Seven Guys, Two Girls, and One ! Elevator
by Lady of the Wolves
Summary: It's a normal day when Yugi and Co. go to KaibaCorp to see Seto for a mysterious reason...but the day turns interesting when everyone gets stuck in a hot, stuffy elevator! Do they EVER get out? COMPLETE!
1. What Do You Mean the Elevator Doesn't Wo...

Seven Guys, Two Girls, and One @#$%&! Elevator

By Lady of the Wolves

Author's Note: Regular Bakura will be known as Ryou, while Yami Bakura will go as Bakura. 

Disclaimer: I own none of the main characters, just the plot.

Chapter One: What Do You Mean The Elevator Doesn't Work?

"How much longer do we gotta wait?" complained Joey Wheeler, squirming in his chair. "We've been here for hours!" Té a Gardner, who was sitting next to him, sighed. 

"I'm sure it won't be much longer," Yugi Moto assured him, crossing his arms and staring intently at the rapidly typing receptionist. About an hour ago she had condescendingly told them to wait for an escort who would bring them to the main office and had ignored them ever since.

Yugi Moto, his Yami, and his friends Joey, Té a, Tristan Taylor, Mai Valentine, Ryou, and Bakura were waiting in the main lobby of KaibaCorp to see the owner and CEO, Seto Kaiba, who had sent an e-mail for Yugi the previous day, requesting that he come to his office.

Joey groaned again and settled back perversely in his seat, grumbling. Yami absentmindedly flipped through a magazine. Té a sat patiently, Mai filed her nails, Ryou read a book, Bakura scribbled something on a notepad, muttering to himself, and Tristan dozed in his chair, snoring loudly. 

A huge man in a suit entered the lobby and walked toward the group. He carried a briefcase and his eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. He stopped before Yugi and his friends and glared at them for a moment before speaking. "Yugi Moto?"

Yugi looked up and smiled hesitantly. "Yes?"

"Follow me," the man instructed firmly. He turned on his heel and walked away in a brisk pace. 

Yugi stood and glanced at his friends. Everyone else was standing and staring expectantly, except for Tristan. "Well? What're we waitin' for, Yug?" Joey asked. Yugi glanced at his sleeping friend Tristan.

"Should we wake Tristan up first?" Yugi asked.

Joey laughed evilly and bent over the sleeping boy. "SPIDERS!" he screamed in Tristan's ear. 

Tristan shrieked and leapt up, dancing around and brushing himself off wildly. "GET THEM OFF!" he squealed. Joey fell on the floor, laughing, kicking his legs in the air. Tristan realized what had happened and pounced on Joey. "YOU— " Everyone else quickly hurried to follow the man in the suit.

"Mr. Kaiba will be with you in a minute," the large man informed the assembled group as he led them out of the elevator, through a small foyer, and into a large, well-furnished waiting area. "Wait here." He left quickly, closing the heavy oak door to the foyer behind him.

"Wow! Nice digs," observed Joey, running to peer out of the huge glass windows that made up the walls of the lounge. 

"Mm-hmm," Yugi Moto agreed. He took a seat in a velvet armchair as his friends explored the room. This lobby was much nicer than the main one on the ground floor had been. The friends were in the private waiting room to Seto Kaiba's office at the top of the many-storied, high-tech office building. This lobby had solid oak hardwood floors covered with expensive oriental rugs, velvet and leather armchairs, and intricate glass and iron coffee tables. 

"If this is the waiting room, I can't help but wonder what Kaiba's office looks like," Yami mused aloud, sending a wry smile to Yugi. Yugi shook his head in thought. He still hadn't figured out why Kaiba had summoned him there anyway. He read over the e-mail in his mind.

__

Yugi:

__

Come to my office tomorrow at 12:00. This meeting will serve to settle the debt between us.

— Kaiba

Yami had been afraid that Kaiba meant to challenge Yugi to another duel, so he had insisted on coming along. Once he had, Joey had decided to go, then Tristan, then…so the whole gang ended up at KaibaCorp.

Yugi shook his head again and returned to the present when a loud crash sounded. Joey and Tristan had been arm wrestling and had knocked over one of the heavy iron, glass, and, from the looks of it, expensive coffee tables. Joey and Tristan leaped up guiltily, their faces pale, and began bickering and pointing at each other as to whose fault it was. Yami shook his head and sighed. He, Yugi, and Ryou helped right the table while Té a yelled at the now submissive Joey and Tristan. 

Suddenly, the large mahogany doors to what everyone presumed was Kaiba's office swung open with an audible creak. Seto Kaiba, clad in his traditional attire complete with long, dark blue trench coat, stood in the doorway. He cast a haughty gaze over the occupants of the room before settling on Yugi with a sneer. "I thought I only told you to come, not you and your entire group of stupid friends," he said mockingly. 

Joey leapt in front of Kaiba angrily. "Who you callin' 'stupid', pal?" he demanded. He held up his fists in Kaiba's face. 

Kaiba grinned meanly, and Yugi recognized the look in his eyes from the time at the Duelist Kingdom when Joey had confronted Kaiba and ended up face down on the ground. "Joey, stop!" he cried, pulling his friend back.

Joey reluctantly allowed Yugi to bring him away from Kaiba, who allowed another cruel grin. "I notice Yugi's still protecting— "

"Enough, Kaiba," ordered Yami authoritatively. "You asked Yugi to come here for business, not to insult his friends."

Kaiba directed his demeaning gaze to Yami. "I see you're well informed." He turned to Yugi. "That's correct. Come into my office and we'll discuss it." He turned and walked back through the doorway.

Yugi glanced in question at Yami, who nodded forward, indicating that Yugi should follow.

Yugi entered the office and was immediately amazed at its contents. If he had thought the waiting area was nice, than this room was spectacular. The latest and greatest technology covered tables and shelves that were made of beautiful, richly polished wood. A crystal chandelier hung from the double-tray ceiling, and three chairs facing an ornately carved desk were made of leather and iron.

"Wow, even nicer digs!" cried Joey, entering behind Yugi and patting his friend on the back. Yugi glanced behind his shoulder to see the rest of his friends enter and crowd behind him, trying to get a good look at all the features of the super-office.

Kaiba stood behind the large desk, his back to Yugi and his friends. He stared out the full glass windows onto the street below for a moment before turning. He glanced at Yugi's friends for a second before redirecting his attention to Yugi. "Sit."

Yugi sat obediently in one of the ornate chairs, trying to get comfortable. Mai quickly placed herself in the middle one, and Joey and Tristan began to do what two children playing musical chairs do when the music has stopped and they both want the same chair. Bakura quickly solved the problem by shoving them aside and taking the chair himself. 

Kaiba, however, paid no heed. He sat at his desk and met Yugi's eyes. "I told you that you'd be well compensated for returning my dueling deck, and I am a man of my word." Yugi's eyebrows furrowed and he felt puzzled. Before he could open his mouth, Kaiba pointed to a briefcase [not _his_ briefcase] leaning in front of his desk. Yugi hadn't noticed it before; he bent down to pick it up. "Open it," Kaiba directed.

Yugi's eyes widened and there was a collective gasp as he undid the clasps and opened the briefcase. The briefcase was filled with money in neat, grouped stacks. There had to be at least— 

"There has to be at least a thousand smackers in there!" exclaimed Joey, letting go of Bakura's hair (which he had been yanking in an attempt to get the chair back) and coming to stand behind Yugi. 

"Five thousand, actually. I do hope you think it's enough," said Kaiba smoothly. "Consider my debt to you gone."

"Kaiba, I can't accept your money," protested Yugi, remembering that Kaiba had told him during the King of Games tournament that he would be well compensated for returning his dueling deck, which some goons of Pegasus had stolen. "I only held onto your deck for a little while. You really don't have to pay me."

"Hey, if you don't want it, I'll take it," offered Mai, putting down her nail file and looking up, interested. 

"No way! If he doesn't want it, it's mine," snapped Bakura, getting out of his seat, which was promptly taken by Tristan. 

Kaiba's knuckles, clenched on sides of his desk, tightened and he scowled. "Take it."

"I don't want your money, Kaiba," Yugi insisted. He stepped forward and laid the briefcase on the desk in front of Kaiba.

Kaiba said nothing for a minute, just stared at the money and then at Yugi. He stood up suddenly and angrily. "Fine. It's your choice. But the debt is still over."

Yugi sighed exasperatedly. "There never was a debt, Kaiba," he tried to explain, but Kaiba cut him off.

"Now that this is taken care of, I have more important business to take care of that does not involve _you_." He irritably snatched the briefcase containing the money and his own metal briefcase and strode out of the room.

Yugi sighed and faced his friends. "I don' get it. Why didn't you take the money?" asked Joey.

"I didn't do anything to deserve it!" claimed Yugi. "And I don't need it."

Mai gave a _humph_. "Well, then you should have taken it and offered it to someone who could have used it!"

Joey snorted and faced Mai. "Used it on what? Nail polish and clothes?"

Mai's face grew read and she scowled angrily at Joey. "Shut up, Joey Wheeler, and don't talk about things you don't understand!" she spat. She turned around and huffed, "_Males_."

"I think Yugi did the right thing," commented Yami. Yugi smiled at him in gratitude and Té a nodded fiercely. 

"You should be congratulating him for doing the right thing, not chastising him," she scolded.

Ryou nodded. "Good going, Yugi."

A rude noise from the doorway got everyone's attention. "I hate to break up this little soap opera, but I'm going to be late for an important meeting. Did you plan to spend all day in my office?" demanded Kaiba, tapping his watch irritably.

Yugi and his friends quickly hurried out of the office, through the waiting area, and into the foyer. Kaiba shoved his way through the mass of friends from behind and pushed the button to summon the elevator. It didn't come for several minutes, and Kaiba impatiently pressed it again. Yugi was afraid that if he said anything Kaiba would bite his head off, as the duelist was obviously late and in a bad mood. 

Joey, however, was not so cautious.

Sensing that Kaiba was in a bad mood, Joey decided to take full advantage of it. He pushed his way over to Kaiba, who stood directly in front of the elevator with his arms crossed. Noticing that Kaiba's gaze was directly parallel and fixed on the elevator, he waved his hand in front of his face a few times. "Hello-oo, anybody home?" he asked, trying hard not to giggle as Kaiba didn't blink and his gaze didn't falter, although a low growl was emitted from his throat. *Sweat drop all but Joey and Kaiba*

Fortunately, Joey's life was saved by the arrival of the elevator, whose doors opened quickly opened with a little _ding_! _"Finally," _Kaiba muttered, quickly boarding the elevator followed by the rest of the assembled company. He raised his arm to push the ground floor button, but was narrowly beaten by Joey. 

"Can I push the button? I wanna push the button!" he cried, stepping on Kaiba's feet to get directly in front of the control panel. 

"Out of my way!" shouted Kaiba, trying to push Joey out of the way. Joey, however, had nowhere to be pushed in the crowded elevator and retained his position. Grinning dopily, he pummeled the buttons with his index fingers, laughing like an idiot. "Hee hee hee, this is fun!" he giggled.

"I said _'out of my way,'_" fumed Kaiba, actually lifting Joey a little off the ground and dropping him back on Tristan and Té a, who fell to the floor of the elevator. Their friends tried to help them stand in the crowded elevator while Kaiba raged in the corner.

"It would be wise for you to learn to control your temper," said Yami quietly. Kaiba snorted but said nothing.

By now Joey had managed to get up (by yanking on his friends' clothes and limbs) and was furious himself. "You got some sorta problem, Kaiba!" he seethed. Kaiba said nothing and when Joey opened his mouth to say more, Tristan put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Ryou placed his hand on Joey's other shoulder and managed to squeeze between him and Kaiba. "Cool off a minute, Joey," he advised.

The noise in the elevator died away and Yugi looked around. The walls were covered in a flower print that he found particularly striking. The carpet was a deep crimson, and the doors were iron and wood. A black elevator phone hung from one wall.

Minutes passed, and Yugi noticed that the familiar feeling of the elevator in motion under his feet had ceased. Glancing up, Yami caught his glance and nodded, indicating that he too could sense that they weren't moving. Yugi then glanced at Kaiba, but didn't dare to say anything. Rage was still evident on the duelist's face and his eyes were closed. He leaned against a corner of the elevator and massaged his temples.

Yugi managed to catch all of his friends' eyes and could tell that they had all noticed the lack of motion from the elevator. He hesitated for a moment, thinking about saying something, but Joey beat him to it.

"Hey Kaiba, something wrong with this elevator? We haven't been moving for five minutes now!" Joey complained. Yugi could see Kaiba grit his teeth and he closed his eyes against the onslaught of a headache.

"Nothing's wrong with it, you mongrel! This elevator was specially designed for this building by the best architects in the world. It's the most advanced elevator available," Kaiba snapped. However, he did look like he noticed the elevator's lack of motion.

"Advanced-shmanced. I don't see how you advance an elevator so much anyway," complained Joey. Then he realized that Kaiba had called him a mongrel. "HEY!"

The elevator shook a little as Joey lunged for Kaiba….well, tried to get to Kaiba— there wasn't really enough room to lunge. 

"GET OFF ME!" screamed Mai, shoving Joey off of her and into the doors. 

"Stop acting up, you animals," demanded Kaiba, reaching for the telephone. "I'll get someone to fix this elevator right away." He snatched the receiver and quickly punched in a number. Suspended silence hung in the air as everyone watched Kaiba listen to the ringing sound. Seconds stretched into hours. All eyes were focused on the phone— 

"Hello?" Kaiba's voice pierced the silence of the elevator and everyone breathed a sigh of relief— a very short sigh, as it was beginning to get stuffy in the tight space of the elevator. Now everyone hung on every word of the phone conversation. "Mokuba? It's me. I need you to get— what? Not now. I'm stuck in the— I said not now! What? Mokuba, this is not the time to discuss that! That's not true— Mokuba, listen to me. I'm stuck in— _listen to me!_ _I said not now! _Don't even think about it, you little— hello? Mokuba? Are you there? Hello? MOKUBA!?!" Kaiba ripped the receiver off the cord in anger and chucked it as hard as he could.

Unfortunately, there is only so far you can chuck something in an elevator.

"OWW!" shrieked Bakura, clutching his head in pain. "YOU #)*&%@ MORTAL!!" he screamed, trying to claw at Kaiba's eyes. Yami and Ryou tried to restrain him, but it's pretty hard to control an ancient, angry, evil spirit of a magical ring. "I'LL SEIZE YOUR SOUL FOR THIS!"

Kaiba's eyes grew wide and he backed against the corner of the elevator. "Keep that freak away from me!" Bakura's eyes were wide and scary-looking, and he was trying to use his dark magic to rip Kaiba's soul out of his body. Tristan and Yugi were trying to help Yami and Ryou, to not much avail.

…And the elevator didn't move.

More Author's Notes: I have nothing against any of the characters, except Joey (if you don't like him either, go read The Pro-Joey Story, be me), but I'm trying not to let any of my resentment affect anyone's behavior in this story. Yes, some people may be out of character, but I'm not one of the show's writers. I'm sorry if I do something mean to a character you like, it's just part of the story. My favorite characters must suffer too!

Please review! 0_o

Preview of Chapter Two: Just how many flowers are there on the wallpaper, anyway? How long can Tristan hold his breath? Remember the "don't-touch-me" part from _Ocean's Eleven_?


	2. Touch Mai and Die

Author's Notes: There is a space in Tea's name because of the e with the accent; it does not appear in the version I type, fanfiction.net adds it. I am sick of that happening, so I will just refrain from adding the accent. You all know how it's pronounced.

Between writing this chapter, I attempted to research elevators. Unfortunately, not much information is available on the internet (unless you want to install one). However, I thought you [the readers] might enjoy these interesting pieces of trivia:

It is a fact that the "Close Door" button on elevators is in place for purely psychological reasons. (I don't know if this is entirely true, my father disagrees; it comes from www.1001uselessfacts.com.) Elevators were first demonstrated at the Chicago Exposition (World's Fair) in 1898. They have a safety device that is supposed to keep them from falling (well duh). In extremely tall buildings (taller than KaibaCorp), the main elevators do not go all the way to the top; one must change elevators to reach the highest story.

Chapter Two: Touch Mai and Die

"I can't believe we're stuck in this stupid elevator," complained Joey for the eighth time in two minutes. Yugi sighed again, closed his eyes, and leaned against the wall of the motionless elevator.

"It's not stupid, you are," snapped Kaiba, standing stiffly in the corner near the control panel. "You're the one who broke it, mutt!"

"I told you to stop callin' me a puppy!" snarled Joey, leaping up from his seat on the floor of the elevator and trying to push past Tristan and Mai to get to Kaiba. 

"Lay off, Joey," commanded Tristan wearily, blocking his friend. "I'm still recovering from Ryou's friend over there."

Bakura, sitting on the floor facing a corner, snorted obnoxiously. He turned his head slightly to glare at Kaiba with eyes glowing creepily before resuming his position. Kaiba gulped automatically and backed closer into his corner, which was diagonal from Bakura's.

**FLASHBACK— TEN MINUTES:**

"GET OFF OF ME!" shrieked Kaiba, trying to free himself from Bakura, whose hands were around Kaiba's neck. The evil spirit of the ring shook the duelist violently, despite the rescue efforts of Yami, Tristan, and Ryou.

"You'll pay for attacking me when you're my slave, mortal!" raged Bakura, trying to summon his dark powers to rip out Kaiba's soul. 

"Let— go— of him!" grunted Yami, trying with all his might to subdue the raging evil powers. 

"You stay out of this, pharaoh!" snapped Bakura, releasing Kaiba and whacking Yami in the face. Tristan and Ryou seized the moment to force Bakura into the corner opposite Kaiba. Tristan sank to the floor in sudden pain as Bakura forcefully elbowed him in the stomach. Ryou managed to calm Bakura enough so that he didn't resist anymore, but Bakura refused to listen to what Ryou had to say and turned his face to the corner. Yami leaned against Yugi and Tea for a moment, blinking as his face stung painfully from Bakura's sudden blow.

"Are you all right?" asked Yugi concernedly, trying to look at his friend's face. Yami said nothing, just emitted a low "errr" and continued to lean on him and Tea for support. Suddenly, he whirled around to throw himself on Bakura.

"That was the last straw, you @*$(&$# grave-robber!" he shouted, grabbing Bakura's hair and pulling violently. Bakura emitted a loud cry and grabbed Yami's wrists, trying to force him to let go. He tried to stand up, but Yami pushed him back into the corner of the elevator, now trying to kick him.

"I'm sick of always being the mature one!" he shrieked, channeling his anger into violence as he began to pummel Bakura in the face repeatedly. Yugi and Ryou were frantically trying to pull the spirits apart as they fought.

"Let go of him, Yami!" begged Yugi, trying to tug Yami's arm away from Bakura's head. "Stop hitting him!"

"Stop it, Bakura!" pleaded Ryou, trying to yank Bakura's arms off of Yami's wrists as they scuffled.

Suddenly, a flash of extremely bright light flooded the elevator. Everyone cried out and covered their eyes with their hands and arms to block out the painful brightness. "I've got you now, pharaoh!" cackled Bakura as his Millennium Ring blasted light. He used this advantage to get Yami in a headlock before the light faded and the pharaoh retaliated by jabbing his fingers into Bakura's eyes. Letting out a howl of pain, Bakura released Yami, who stumbled backwards into Yugi and Joey, touching his bleeding lip gingerly. The two spirits were quickly separated by Mai and Tea. Tristan hunched on the floor, trying to refill his lungs.

**RETURN TO PRESENT:**

Kaiba gave an involuntary shudder and shook his head as if to clear his mind. He cast a dark gaze in Bakura's direction before momentarily meeting the eyes of everyone in the elevator and focusing back on Bakura. "I don't know what you are, you freak," he whispered, "but if you ever try that on me again, I swear I'll kill you— "

Bakura, aware that Kaiba's eyes were focused on him, calmly picked up the black telephone receiver (which was laying next to him on the floor). Showing it to Kaiba as a magician shows his audience that an object is real and perfectly normal, he then waved his hand and set the receiver on fire.

Mai, Tea, and Joey shrieked and tried to move far away from the evil spirit, who laughed and dropped the flaming receiver on the floor. Ryou and Tristan were stuck by Bakura, and they frantically attempted to stomp out the fire. They finally managed to put out the flames, aided by Yugi and Yami. Bakura had resumed his seat and position in the corner. Everyone turned to glower at Kaiba.

Kaiba backed further into his corner (although he was already as far back as he could go) and glared, wide-eyed. "You monster, I swear you— "

"Put a sock in it, Kaiba!" commanded Yami, resting his head on Yugi's shoulder. Yugi patted his Yami's head and tried to ignore his now-pounding headache.

All was quiet in the elevator and Yugi tried to take advantage of the lack of noise to soothe his headache. Nearly everyone had seated his or herself on the floor and was hunched up on the carpet. The sound of everyone's breathing was a steady rhythm, and Yugi felt himself drifting off into sleep. He was slipping into a dream when a noise sound snapped him back into consciousness.

"No, it's _your_ fault, Kaiba!" exclaimed Joey triumphantly. Yugi looked up sleepily to see victory alight on his friend's face. "You're the one who broke the phone, so now we can't call for help! _You_ got us trapped here!"

Everyone groaned. Kaiba snorted. "Has it taken you all this time to think of a comeback?" he taunted. "You're stupider [yes, this IS a word] than I thought!" With a cruel grin he added, "And that's pretty stupid."

Joey fumed and tried to stand up (he was seated in the middle of the elevator floor), but, trying to stop his attempt, Tea (who was also sitting on the floor) grabbed his leg and pulled. Joey waved his arms frantically, trying to regain his balance. Seconds passed like minutes as Joey tried to regain his balance, but the law of gravity prevented it. Tea gasped and dived into Yugi to get out of the way, smashing Yugi into the wall of the elevator.

So, instead of falling on top of Tea, Joey smashed into Tristan.

Joey quickly got off his friend and laughed nervously, trying to see if he would be mad. "Hey, uh, you okay, buddy?" he asked, watching Tristan, whose face was now smashed into the floor.

Tristan didn't say anything.

Tea, meanwhile, got off of Yugi and tried to get out of his way so he could sit again, although there was really nowhere for her to move. "Yugi? Are you all right?" she questioned. His head was smashed into the point where the elevator wall met the floor and his hands were completely covering the back of his head. He managed to get up with a groan and with the help of Yami. He turned around, slightly dazed.

Everyone in the elevator gasped. 

Yugi, having no idea why they seemed shocked, met Tea's eyes with caution. She was staring right above his face…at his hair.

Slowly, very, very slowly, Yugi reached up to feel his hair. His hand shook as it explored the place above his hair where his top spike of hair usually occupied. Moving downward, he felt the entire top spike mashed against the back of his head. His mouth dropped open, and his eyes took the form of a deer's eyes as the deer stares into the headlights of an oncoming car. Low sounds emitted from his mouth, but no recognizable words came out.

Tea was the first to speak. "Oh my…Yugi, I am so, so sorry. Are you all right? Oh Yugi…" She reached out to him, but he jerked backward. He stared at everyone in the elevator (and everyone stared back to see the strange sight of Yugi with his hair in only four main spikes) before bursting into tears.

Yami pulled the sobbing boy close, and Yugi buried his face in his Yami's shoulder. "There, there," soothed Yami. 

Tea, obviously feeling awful, reached out again to try and pat Yugi's back. "Oh, Yugi— "

Yami jerked away (and bumped into Ryou— remember, there wasn't much room in the elevator). "Haven't you upset him enough?" he snapped as Yugi wept into his jacket. "Just— just pick on someone your own size!"

An uncomfortable silence, broken only by the now occasional sobs of Yugi, face still buried in Yami's jacket, filled the elevator. Tea sat with her back to the wall, face in her arms. Bakura faced the corner, scowling at the darkness. Mai had resumed filing her nails, and Joey and Tristan stared blankly into space.

As Yugi's sobs lessened, another sound began to fill up the growing silence of the elevator. Sudden intake of air— _beep— _pause— gasping outtake of air, _beep_. Everyone gradually looked up, and noticed that Tristan was doing something by pressing a button on his watch, breathing in, holding his breath, and then breathing out and pressing something on his watch again.

Nobody really wanted to start another scuffle or conversation by asking, but the suspense finally grew to an almost unbearable point and Ryou broke.

"I really hate to ask, but what are you doing, Tristan?" he questioned. Everyone breathed (except Tristan) a sigh of relief.

"Timing how long I can hold my breath!" replied Tristan cheerfully. *Sweat drop all but Tristan* "See, I just got this really cool new watch, and I can time stuff on it, like a stopwatch!"

"That _is_ a stopwatch, you moron," retorted Kaiba (speaking for everyone). Tristan huffed. "Looks like you've finally developed a personality— as an idiot!"

Tristan growled. "You're just a…a….a jerk!" he spat, and tried to think of a good comeback (to no avail).

Joey, trying to edge away from Tristan, bumped into Mai. She put down her nail file momentarily and glared at him. "Don't touch me, Joey Wheeler," she commanded, meeting his eyes firmly before resuming her nail work.

Joey, glancing around the elevator, waited a few seconds, then reached out and gently prodded Mai's shoulder with his index finger. When she put down her file and glared at him, he turned in another direction, whistling. "Joey," she snarled— 

"What? I didn't do anything!" Joey protested, trying to appear innocent. 

Mai huffed. "Don't— touch— me," she directed, then resumed filing.

[Guess. Just guess what Joey does next, I dare you.]

Joey touched Mai again, then turned and pretended that he wasn't doing anything. He continued to do this as Mai got angrier and angrier.

"Don't touch me!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"Get your filthy paws OFF OF ME!"

"I wasn't doin' anything!"

"Stop it, Joey Wheeler!"

"I ain't doin' nothing!"

"I said to STOP!"

"I DID stop!"

"I SWEAR IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I'LL JAB THIS FILE IN YOUR EYE!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

Finally, Mai could take no more. She clenched her file in one hand and rested her head on her knees. Everyone in the elevator (except Joey) watched with bated breath. They knew it was a trap.

Unfortunately, Joey couldn't tell that she was just waiting for him to touch her again. Or maybe he was just naturally dumb.

It was another slow-motion occurrence: Joey reaching out to jab Mai in the leg, Mai slowly raising her head, her arm slicing through the air to smash into Joey's face with a loud, obviously painful slap.

"OWW!" moaned Joey, clutching his imprinted face. "What'd you do that for?!" he demanded.

Mai said nothing, but began to file her nails again.

Joey sat fuming in silence for a while, now and then muttering, his hands over his burning cheek. He eventually stopped staring at the floor and gazed up at the wall opposite him (he was sitting against the door). He traced the flower patterns on the wallpaper with his eyes.

Yugi had been enjoying the silence for a while. His headache was roaring through his ears, and the incident with his hair certainly hadn't helped. The temporary silence was like a cool cloth lain against his forehead. However, as he heard Joey's voice murmuring in a constant stream again, he knew it was not going to last.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty….

"One hundred fifty-two, one hundred fifty-three, one hundred— "

"SHUT UP, JOEY!" commanded Yami.

"I can't stand that anymore!" added Tea.

"Hey, I'm just trying to count the flowers on the wallpaper," complained Joey. "It's the only thing I can do to keep from being bored that won't get me _viciously attacked_." He glared at Mai, who ignored him.

"Find another way to occupy your extremely short attention span, you mongrel!" commanded Kaiba, which set off another round of Joey's "don't-refer-to-me-as-a-puppy" speeches.

…And the elevator didn't move.

Please review!

No previews of the next chapter this time, you'll just have to wait and see! 0_o


	3. Time Flies When You're Having Fun

Chapter Three: Time Flies When You're Having Fun

Seconds passed into minutes…minutes into hours…hours into forever. The prisoners of KaibaCorp's most impressive elevator suffered silently as the machine they were trapped inside hung suspended over twenty-two floors.

These weary hostages had suffered their share of hardships during the past— was it only three? it seemed like more— hours while trapped in the unmoving elevator. Young Yugi Moto's hair had been mashed so that the top spike was at the back of his head. Yami, the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, had a swollen lip from his earlier scuffle with Bakura, the spirit of the Millennium Ring, who had a large, painful bruise on top of his head from the elevator telephone receiver, thrown at him by Seto Kaiba, CEO and owner of KaibaCorp, who hunched uncomfortably in the corner opposite Bakura. Mai Valentine, talented duelist and fashion-conscious shopper, had nearly run out of nails to file. Tea Gardner, former friend of Yugi (until she had ruined his hair by shoving him into the wall of the elevator), sat with her face buried in her knees. Joey Wheeler, runner-up in the tournament at Duelist Kingdom, sat irritably, running his still-stinging face from the slap given to him by Mai. Tristan was still face down on the floor, perhaps unconscious from Joey landing on him earlier. Ryou seemed to be the only relatively contented one, as he sat amiably, gazing around the elevator.

Not a sound was heard from anyone in the elevator except for the rhythm of everyone breathing. The detainees knew that this wouldn't last long. Every time they had lapsed into a pleasant silence, it had been broken by a new fight that would in turn cause pain and suffering. This time, however, it was not a voice that broke the white noise of the elevator, but a _whooshing_ sound. Heads lifted as the occupants tried to discern what was making the noise.

"It's the air conditioner," stated Yami, and everyone silently answered, "ohh." The elevator had been a little too warm for everyone's taste, so the breath of fresh, cool air filling the small space was a welcome relief. For several minutes the cold air blasted down and revitalized the formerly hot, stuffy occupants. Everyone could breathe a lot better now, so the air was a welcome change.

After about ten minutes with the cold air on full blast, it began to get a little too chilly. Tea pulled on her jacket, and Yugi and Yami closed and buttoned their jackets. Tristan groaned from the floor, and everyone else pulled his or her jacket tighter. The air continued to blast through a vent on the ceiling. "Somebody turn that off!" demanded Joey, shivering, as he was the one sitting directly below the vent. "This is your elevator, Kaiba!"

"Shut up, you mutt," growled Kaiba, pulling his trench coat tighter around him.

"Please turn it off," begged Tea. "Don't make all of us freeze because of Joey." Several agreements were voiced and Kaiba looked down and said nothing. 

Everyone continued to freeze for several minutes, and tried to huddle next to their neighbor for warmth. Tristan lifted his face up from the ground and rubbed it before trying to huddle next to Tea, who elbowed him in the stomach. Tristan "umphed" and bit the dust again.

"Kaiba. Turn. Off. The. Air," instructed Yami, who was huddled next to Yugi for warmth in the elevator as the temperature dropped rapidly. 

Still no response from Kaiba as the elevator grew colder.

Mai's teeth started chattering as the tried to cover herself up with her jacket. She glared at Kaiba as she shivered, and finally growled, "I am FREEZING. Turn off the air, or I'll jab YOUR eyes out!" She held up her nail file threateningly and Joey backed away.

"Idonknowhow," mumbled Kaiba, trying to pull his coat over his head. This got everyone's attention, and everyone glanced up to stare at him.

"What?" asked Tea, speaking for everyone.

"I dontknowhowtoturnitoff," Kaiba said again, his head now successfully covered by the top of his blue trench coat.

"What? Speak up now, Kaiba, and be sure to pronounce every word real clear," said Joey, clearly loving 

Kaiba's admittance of not knowing something.

"_Clearly_, you moron! And no, I don't know how to control the temperature in the elevator. I'm usually not in the elevator long enough to know how to adjust the temperature! And I wouldn't be in this elevator that long now if it weren't for you!" Kaiba snarled, pulling his coat off of his head. "I thought I couldn't stand you when I only had to put up with you for ten minutes! Now you're driving me insane!!"

Joey jumped up— well, would have, except for the no room thing, and that his joints were freezing— and shook his finger at Kaiba. "And I'm sicka your insults! Put your fists where your words are!" he demanded, now shaking his fist at Kaiba.

"With pleasure," replied Kaiba, grinning cruelly and getting to his feet. 

Everyone between Joey and Kaiba attempted to form a barrier between the two, which was no easy job. It seemed to Yugi that they were really trying to kill each other this time [and they weren't before?]. Joey managed to squeeze past Tea and Tristan and swung a fist at Kaiba. Instead of blocking the fist and perhaps twisting Joey's wrist, Kaiba ducked… 

[I'd like to take this time to go over Newton's laws of motion. There are three:

1st Law: An object at rest or an object in motion will retain its velocity unless acted upon by an outside force.

2nd Law: Force=mass x acceleration.

3rd Law: For every action force, there is an equal and opposite reaction force.

Keep these in mind for what will come next.]

…and, due to Newton's first law, Joey's fist smashed into the control panel.

The lights promptly went out in the elevator, and Mai, Tea, and Tristan shrieked simultaneously. The elevator jerked, and everyone screamed. Joey fell on top of Kaiba, who roughly shoved him off in the dark. Everyone moved around frantically, bumped into several other people, and there was a wild fight in the elevator.

"Get off me!"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!" 

"You're on my foot!"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!"

"Who just bumped me?!"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!"

"Yami?! Where are you?!"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!"

"Yugi!"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!"

"Bakura? Is that you?"

"Aaaiiieeeghhh!"

"SHUT UP, TRISTAN!"

The noise of people crashing into each other and trying to stand up and straighten things out occupied the elevator. Kaiba shoved someone off of his leg ("Hey!") and fumbled his way to the smashed control panel. He squinted, putting his face centimeters from it, but could see nothing in the black darkness. He groped around, pulling, pushing, and flipping anything he could find.

One of the lights in the elevator suddenly flickered on as Kaiba flipped what was obviously an emergency switch. Everyone sorted themselves out ("GET OFF OF MY LAP, YOU PERVERT!" "RYOU?!?!" "GET OFFA ME!") and Kaiba glared at Joey as he had never glared before.

"First you get us stuck in here by jamming the buttons. Then you smash the control panel, and nearly get me killed!" he fumed, shaking in rage. Wearily but naturally, everyone shifted into the position to block the two. Kaiba lowered himself and faced the corner, trying to control his anger [for once].

Silence resumed…until the click of the air conditioner turned on and everyone sighed and bundled up again as the temperature plummeted. Things resumed to normal— well, as normal as can be when you're stuck in an elevator, only one light works, and the air conditioner has gone cold-air-happy.

Suddenly, a loud, obnoxious sound filled the elevator, accompanied by a harsh, nasty smell. "EWWW!" everyone intoned as Ryou blushed madly. "Sorry, guys," he mumbled just as he happened to fart again.

"Oh man, that's nasty," groaned Tristan, covering up his nose and mouth and trying to inch away from his friend.

"Shouldn't have had those beans for lunch, I guess," he apologized, his face burning red. He glanced at Bakura, who glared back with a face of disgust. "I said I was sorry!"

The smell quickly invaded the entire elevator. None could escape it. Everyone covered their mouths and noses and tried to not breathe, to no avail.

"Man, Ryou, those must have been some beans!" added Joey disgustedly.

"Guys…" Mai whispered, wheezing and clutching her stomach.

"They were quite good, actually…but perhaps they were a little old…"

"Guys!" Mai huffed.

"What is it?" Joey asked.

"I'm gonna— I'm gonna— " She leaned forward as if to barf as everyone screamed "NOOO!" at the same time they backed away.

Mai groaned and clutched her stomach. Everyone leaned forward in relief, but jumped back again in horror as she leaned forward again.

"I swear," huffed Kaiba, "if you do, I'll rip you apart."

"And I'll help," added Bakura darkly. ("And then I'll rip _him_ apart.")

Mai leaned against the wall and groaned, but not even Tea was brave enough to help. "Uh…I'm sure the air conditioner will fix the smell right away!" she assured, edging away from Mai.

Ryou's gut eventually settled down, and Mai never did throw up, and the air conditioner never did shut off, and the light never did stop flickering occasionally, and the elevator never did move. But the silence did return…eventually.

But many things don't last long, and silence, especially coming from Joey, is one of those things.

"Hey, Kaiba," he began. 

Everyone sighed. Kaiba said nothing and did not look up.

"When you broke the phone and _severed our tie to all communications_," he paused for dramatic effect, "you were arguin' with Mokuba."

Several people looked up, interested. Everyone had wondered what the Kaiba brothers had been arguing about. 

"What were you two fightin' about?" Joey questioned, his eyes gleaming.

"That's not your concern, mangy cur," spat Kaiba.

Joey growled in anger, but managed to control himself [what a surprise!].

"What _were_ you arguing about?" inquired Mai. "Sounded like World War III!"

" I said that's none of your business!" snapped Kaiba.

"Come on, Kaiba. That's what made you get us stuck in here," argued Yami. "Tell us."

"No! I'll never tell!" snarled Kaiba, panting.

"Spit it out, you jerk!" demanded Tristan.

"No! Leave me alone!" insisted Kaiba, but no one did. Everyone in the elevator continued to pester him about the phone call and argument with Mokuba. Finally, Kaiba could take no more.

"IT WAS ABOUT A @($&%^%!# DATING SERVICE, OKAY?!" he exploded. "MOKUBA WANTS ME TO GET A GIRLFRIEND! ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT YOU'VE INVADED MY PERSONAL LIFE?!" he screamed, leaping to his feet. He stood panting, glaring at everyone with wild eyes.

"I don't know about a girlfriend, but he sure needs to get a life," stated Mai, eyes wide open in surprise. A murmur of agreement sounded as Joey and Tristan wheezed with laughter. Kaiba sat back down in his corner and began to cry quietly. Yami and Yugi exchanged wide-eyed glances.

…And the elevator didn't move.

Author's Note: Sorry this chapter is kind of (okay, really) late, I had lots to do. People may seem a little out of character, but I think it's safe to say you'd act different after several hours in an elevator.

Please review!


	4. When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! It's so nice to be loved *sniff*. Sorry about not updating in a while, I've been busy *ducks rotten tomatoes*. I have! So here's a nice chapter for you. Well…you can decide if it's nice.

But I HAVE been busy looking up elevators! Here's some great information from _The Ersatz Elevator_, number six in _A Series of Unfortunate Events_. "An elevator is essentially a platform, surrounded by an enclosure, that moves along the vertical axis via an endlessly looped belt and a series of ropes. It's controlled by a push-button console that regulates an electromagnetic braking system so the transport sequence can be halted at any access point the passenger desires. In other words, it's a box that moves up or down, depending on where you want to go." (In case you were wondering, the moral of that book is to beware of elevators on the top floor of a building that have an up button.)

Chapter Four: When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

Yugi listened to the muffled sound of Kaiba crying quietly in the corner with his eyes closed. His terrible headache felt like it was splitting his head apart, and wrinkled his brow in pain. His head rested against Yami, who held the boy close for comfort. He sensed Yugi's pain, and it was affecting him as well. He sighed, about the tenth time in a minute, and massaged his temples. 

The temperature had dropped to about 40 degrees and the air conditioner was still blasting. Joey had gotten stuck sitting directly underneath it, and sat hunched over himself, buried in his jacket, mumbling angrily to himself. The whooshing as the air rushed out had become a familiar sound to all of the elevator's occupants, but a new, screechy whistle had joined the whoosh like a fingernail scratching a blackboard. Everyone covered their ears and managed to block out most of the noise, as it wasn't really that loud.

Tea stared off into space, at the wallpaper above Yami's head. She was still feeling miserable for accidentally denting Yugi's hair. She had tried to apologize, and when Yugi had refused, she knew he was furious. Yugi never got mad, at least not that mad at one of his friends. She wondered if he'd ever forgive her. She wondered if the air conditioner would ever shut off. She wondered if they'd ever make it out of the elevator. And she wondered if something was hanging out of her nose, and if she should risk picking it to fish it out. [A true glimpse into the mind of Tea!]

Tristan had finally sat up and was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. His ugly tan trench-coat was wrapped tightly around him, but he was still freezing. Aside from Joey, he was closest to the vent. And besides that, he wasn't thinking anything. He wasn't really smart enough to understand the concept of free thought. 

Bakura was still facing the corner, where he'd been since the very beginning of the elevator ordeal. He was burning with anger against Yami and Kaiba, but was making himself feel better by thinking of ways to kill them. He had almost surely settled on smothering Yami to death in a sand trap, but couldn't quite decide what to do with Kaiba…he was toying with drowning , but thought it would be a nice follow-up to the telephone receiver incident if he burned him at a stake.

Mai leaned against the wall opposite Tea and Tristan and was still clutching her stomach, although the stench of Ryou's earlier farts had all but faded, only leaving that pleasant little after-scent. Waves of pain still cascaded through her stomach, but not nearly as bad as before. The only good thing about the pain was that she didn't concentrate on being the coldest out of everyone, even though she wasn't even sitting directly underneath the vent. She was clad in her casual skimpy attire of white "shirt" and short violet skirt with tall boots and a jacket. It's really hard to sit with your legs up and not show any underwear under a short skirt, she had realized. It was kind of a tight fit, too, since she had put on a pound or two since the tournament at Duelist Kingdom, and a pound or two really made a difference in _her_ clothes.

Ryou seemed to be in the best mood. Sitting Indian-style next to Bakura, he gazed pleasantly around the elevator. He had been quite embarrassed when he had farted constantly earlier, but that had all passed as his beans digested. An optimist, Ryou reflected that at least he and his friends were spending some quality time together, something they really hadn't done since the Duelist Kingdom tournament. Humming a tune to himself, he pulled out his deck and began to shuffle it absent-mindedly.

Kaiba sat hunched in a corner near the smashed control panel. His head was covered by the top of his coat, and he had actually been crying. He had never been so humiliated in his life. It was all Mokuba's fault, too! He had said yes to that stupid computer dating service during the middle of writing an extremely important report. He hadn't really been listening, and Mokuba had gotten angry when he tried to cancel the subscription. He did NOT need a girlfriend! He had had a company to run! He didn't need a meddling brother either. And he didn't need to be stuck in an elevator with his worst enemies when he was supposed to be holding an extremely important business conference!

A scream of rage pierced the whooshing air conditioner noise and the screechy whistle. Joey had leaped up and was jumping up and down, apparently trying to hit the air conditioner vent with his fists. He snatched off his jacket and jumped up and down waving it like a banner.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS COLD ANYMORE!" he shouted, and it became clear that he was trying to cover the vent with his jacket. He continued to leap up and down, and although the elevator (thankfully) didn't shake, he didn't land in the same place from which he jumped. For example, you know that when you jump up and down, your feet don't land in the exact same places where they were before you left the ground. The same was true for Joey, but he was in an elevator. There wasn't any extra space on which he could safely land. That space was occupied by Mai.

"OOOOWWWWWWWWW!" Mai howled as Joey's foot landed on top of hers, and, losing his balance, Joey toppled into her lap. "GET OFF ME, YOU @(&#*^@$&%!" she screamed, pushing her back against the elevator wall to try and stand and get Joey off of her. She had risen her behind about a foot off the ground when she, and everyone else in the elevator, heard it.

__

RIIIIIIIP!

The fabric in Mai's skirt had given way and split to reveal her red satin underwear. She stood all the way up quickly, face as red as her panties, and felt the rip in her skirt. Joey was on the floor, blushing slightly. "I'm really sorry," he muttered, trying to move away.

__

SLAM!!

Mai brought down the high heel of her boot into Joey's stomach with a forceful jab. Joey gasped as all the wind was knocked out of him and tried to breathe frantically. Mai raised her foot to do it again, and almost succeeded before Yami stopped her foot with one hand, the other arm around Yugi. With a loud "GRRRRR!" and a scrunching of her face, Mai wrenched her foot away and aimed it for Yami's face.

Yami ducked just in time, and Mai returned to stomping Joey in the stomach, no matter what he did to try and stop her. Kaiba was watching, and from the look on his face, clearly enjoying it very, very much. Finally Mai had stomped herself out, and sat against the wall. She took her jacket off and covered her lap and front with it. Joey lay on the floor, trying to get any air he could into his lungs. 

Tension was obviously in the air. Anger radiated from Mai, pleasure from Kaiba, and fear and pain from Joey. Ryou cleared his throat nervously, and said, "Hey guys…why don't we play a game?"

Tea eyed him suspiciously. "A game?" she questioned dubiously.

"Yeah! It'll be"— eight death glares— "well, maybe it'll help pass the time till someone comes to fix this elevator," he suggested. A stretched silence filled the elevator for a few moments, and Ryou was afraid that they would stone him to death or perhaps set Mai on him.

"A game could help pass the hours," suggested Yami, reaching for his deck inside his jacket. Kaiba grinned cruelly and reached for his own deck.

Ryou and Tea, sensing that danger that would ensue, simultaneously piped, "Something other than Duel Monsters." Yami and Kaiba sighed, but stuff their decks back in their jackets. 

"Then what?" wheezed Joey from the floor. Nobody listened to him.

"How about 'I Spy'?" suggested Tea. "To play, one person— "

"We KNOW how to play," stated Bakura tersely, not turning around.

"I— I'm sorry," whispered Tea, eyes starting to fill with tears. She had reached the end of her rope, and couldn't bear to make anyone else mad at her.

"I'll go first!" Ryou said quickly. "Okay…I spy with my little eye something that is…blue!"

Tristan sighed and Joey mumbled "This is stupid," but Yugi and Yami at least tried to play. 

"Kaiba's coat?"

"Tea's eyes?"

"Joey's clothes?"

"Yugi's clothes?"

"Yami's clothes?"

"Your clothes?"

"The wire on the control panel Joey smashed?"

"Hey!"

More of the prisoners joined in, trying to figure out just WHAT was blue when the most obvious things were named but not acknowledged as what Ryou "spied."

"Tea's eyes?"

"Kaiba's eyes?"

Finally, everything that could possibly be blue in the elevator had been named. "Come on, guys, it's right in front of you!" exclaimed Ryou, throwing up his hands. "I can't believe you haven't named it!"

Eyes scoured the elevator, but everything blue had been named.

"This is an elevator," Yami growled. "There's only so many blue things in it!"

"Yes," agreed Ryou. "What's wrong with you all? Do you really not know?"

"NO!" shouted everyone, scowling at him. He backed into the corner by Bakura, who elbowed him in the stomach. 

"Tell us already," demanded Tristan.

Ryou sighed. "It's Mai's jacket!"

Silence.

It was Yugi who said it: "Mai's jacket is purple!"

"What? It's blue!" insisted Ryou. Everyone stared. 

"It's purple. It really is," Mai said, picking up her jacket to show Ryou, who continued to insist that the jacket was blue.

"Ryou, give it up. The jacket's freakin' purple," mumbled Tea, who had just about lost it.

"Shut up! It's blue, you bloody idiots!"

[In an effort to keep this story PG or PG-13 at the most, I will refrain from relaying the next few events, but will explain that they involve Ryou, pain, and more silence.]

"Maybe a game wasn't such a good idea," stated Tea dolefully. Everyone glared at her, saying "You wanna be next, sister?" silently. She shut up.

Joey, who had been relatively quiet (quite a feat for him) ever since Mai had engaged in her stomping ritual, began to twitch slightly. Tea and Tristan noticed it first, and tried to ignore it, thinking Joey wanted attention. The twitching continued, and it began to grow more vigorous. Joey was sitting with his legs up and his mouth was scrunched up.

No one was going to ask, especially not after the results of asking what Tristan had been doing earlier (the breathing-timing thing). Joey was obviously suffering. Finally, he began to whimper, tears streaming down his face.

"What are you doing?" asked Tea wearily. 

"I HAVE TO PEE!" Joey burst out, clutching his hand over his private area. "I'M GONNA BLOW!" he moaned.

Everyone backed away. Bakura's eyes met Joey's and he whispered, "If you even— I'll banish you to the Shadow Realm FOREVER. Got it?"

"Yeah, got it?" demanded Yami.

It's funny how situations can bring even the worst of enemies together.

Joey hunched over and continued to whine and whimper. 

"Are we ever going to get out of here?" asked Yami tiredly. "No one knows we're stuck in here— "

"Except Mokuba," Ryou added, then passed out again.

"And how will anyone think to look in the elevator?" Yami finished worriedly. 

Everyone exchanged frightened glances, but said nothing. Joey continued to whimper, dancing around while sitting (quite a funny sight). Ryou continued to wake up occasionally and mumble something then pass out again, due to the large bump on his head. 

…And the elevator STILL didn't move.

Author's Note: Heh heh, will they ever get out? Makes you wonder…also, a disturbing thought…will Joey— you know?

Please review! 


	5. Survivor: Elevator

Author's Notes: I apologize, but I cannot commit to notifying people when I have posted a new chapter. I usually get one out every week, on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. I again apologize, but there will not be a new chapter next weekend, as I will be studying for finals…what fun. No elevator research this week…but if you want to install one, just type in "elevator information" on Google. 

Chapter Five: Survivor: Elevator

The sound of Joey's whimper was about the same as the screeching whistle from the air conditioner earlier. However, this annoying noise was accompanied by Joey shaking around his rear in an attempt to…do something, I suppose. Tears were streaming down his scrunched up face and he occasionally muttered, "I gotta go!" or "Gotta peeeeeee!" and similar phrases. Everyone's face was turned away from him, but he continued to bounce up and down harder.

Kaiba broke first— or maybe just needed an excuse to explode on Joey— but since when did he need an excuse to do so? "Stop shaking the elevator, you @*&)$%!" he snarled furiously. "I have had FAR too much of you already, you stupid mutt!" 

Joey barely even blinked at being called a mutt (or the first lovely insult), just continued to rock around on his behind and whimper that he needed to use the restroom. 

"Look, there's nothing we can do about you having to piss, so just SHUT UP, will you?!" shrieked Tea, who was stuck sitting closest to Joey. Her niceness only lasted to an extent that had been passed over an hour ago.

Joey continued to whine. "But I really, really, REALLY GOTTA GO!" he complained, whimpering some more.

"Keep it up, mortal, and you'll join with your friends' destinies of being banished to the Shadow Realm!" barked Bakura, scowling at the boy. 

"I can't help it!" insisted Joey, nearly moving the elevator with his "gotta-pee dance."

"MAYBE THIS'LL HELP!" suggested Mai, snatching Kaiba's briefcase and attempting to chuck it at Joey. Unfortunately, she didn't give it much of a thrust, due to the way she was sitting on the floor due to the rip in the back of her skirt that, ironically, Joey had caused earlier.

Ryou was still unconscious from the beating he had received after insisting that Mai's jacket was blue and calling everyone bloody idiots and nearly frustrating them to death.

The briefcase "landed" (it didn't really qualify as a throw) on Yami and it hit Yugi's back slightly. Yami hefted it up. "No, no, like this," he instructed, successfully heaving the briefcase in the air with some good, solid thrust…

…but no aim.

The briefcase slammed into Tea's head with a loud, audible crunch as her nose broke. Everyone winced. 

Tea picked up the briefcase from her lap, where it had (obviously) fallen after smashing into her face. Her eyes were filled with tears, for she was obviously about to cry. She gingerly touched her nose, and winced when her fingers made contact. It really was a terrible sight, flat and bloody, and with the signs of a huge bruise.

Yugi spoke first. "Um…guess we're even now, huh, Tea?" he asked, indicating his mashed hair with a pained expression on his face.

Tea began to bawl, and everyone sighed. Yami was really embarrassed, and apologized continuously with no response from Tea, who covered her nose with her hands as she sobbed in a loud, obnoxious way. Everyone sighed.

"Good going, you great idiot," muttered Bakura from his corner. "Now we have two blabbering fools to listen to!" Despite the Tea incident, Joey was still "dancing" and complaining about how he had to go.

"Oh, just _shut up_. You threatened to send him to the Shadow Realm!" growled Yami, letting go of Yugi and turning to face the spirit of the Ring.

"And you weren't thinking of it?" Bakura demanded, actually turning his whole body around to face the ancient pharaoh. 

"How dare you assume what I think!" exclaimed Yami, eyes glowing in anger.

"Calm down, Yami," Yugi soothed, trying to pacify the spirit of his Millennium Puzzle. He caught his jacket, trying to make his friend turn back around away from Bakura, whose eyes were locked on Yami's in a deadly glare.

"No, Yugi. Let go," ordered Yami, pulling his jacket away.

"I'll assume anything I wish," spat Bakura.

"Not of myself!" shouted Yami, eyes looking like they would literally burst on fire with his anger. He started to get up. Yugi grabbed his arm again.

"Don't fight! Just sit down and work this out like civilized beings!" he begged. 

Silence, and all eyes widened on Yugi.

"Uh…okay…you shouldn't fight! Why can't you be friends, Yami?" Yugi asked, grabbing Yami's other arm.

"Leave me alone! Jeez, it's always, 'do this, Yami,' or 'be friends, Yami,' or 'play nice, Yami!' I am so sick of your annoying whining and hanging around!" snapped Yami, snatching his arm away from Yugi. "I am SO TIRED OF YOU GRABBING ONTO ME! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS!?"

Yugi's mouth opened slightly and the look in his eyes would have caused Tea to be extremely concerned and ask what was wrong if she hadn't been stuck in an elevator with a broken nose caused by someone throwing a briefcase at Joey but hitting her with it— in other words, extremely hurt eyes. Yami immediately felt like something extremely unpleasant— a rat carcass, for example, or perhaps dog poop, and regretted his words. "#&)$^! Yugi, why do you have to make me feel so bad!?! I HATE YOU!" he screamed, then sat down facing away from Yugi and hid his head in his lap.

Ryou came to for a second and drowsily tapped Bakura. "You don't hate me, do you?" he asked sleepily.

"I loathe you, miserable worm of a human," growled Bakura, pushing away Ryou's hand.

"Love you too," replied Ryou, and promptly passed out again.

Yugi said nothing, just curled into a miserable little ball. Joey continued to whimper, and Tea to bawl. It wasn't just some little crying, like Kaiba earlier, but whole shebang, along with a loud, high-pitched wail. It drowned out Joey completely. It drowned out all thought, and it had to be stopped.

"SHUT UP!" roared Mai from across the elevator. "I AM SO FREAKIN' SICK OF EVERYTHING IN THIS ELEVATOR, INCLUDING YOU, AND I SWEAR THAT IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THAT TERRIBLE SOUND FOR ONE MORE MINUTE, I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT ALL YOUR HAIR WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS!!"

Tea momentarily stopped crying to look up at Mai, who had risen in rage. "Oh, you're sick of _me_? I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STAND YOU SINCE I FIRST HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF LAYING EYES ON YOU!" she screamed back, rising herself. 

"WHAT A COINCIDENCE! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU TOO!" returned Mai, stepping over the curled-up Yugi to confront Tea. 

"CAREFUL, MAI, YOUR SKIRT MIGHT SPLIT SOME MORE!" yelled Tea, stepping forward herself. Mai's mouth dropped in unexpected shock.

"OH YEAH? C'MERE, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME MAKEUP TO COVER UP THAT UGLY, BLOODY NOSE OF YOURS, NOT THAT IT LOOKS MUCH UGLIER THAN BEFORE!!" 

With a deep-throated growl, Tea lunged forward, shouting, "I'LL MAKE YOUR NOSE BLOODY, YOU @(#^@$!" Mai likewise threw herself at Tea, and the two angry girls made contact in mid-air, biting and scratching at each other. 

[As you may remember from a previous chapter, Newton is a scientist who made many important laws during his lifetime. In said previous chapter, I described Newton's three laws of motion. I think it is now appropriate to review Newton's law of gravity, which can be summed up simply, as you have probably already heard, as "what goes up must come down."]

Mai and Tea: up. Mai and Tea: down.

Down on Yugi. 

The fighting girls landed smack-dab on top of Yugi, who was still curled up in a little ball, the way he had remained since Yami had yelled at him. Instead of letting the fact that they had hurt Yugi stop them, the girls rolled off and continued to kick, scratch and punch each other, screaming and pulling each others' hair.

Tristan attempted to separate the fighters and almost ended up losing an arm. It finally took Tristan, Yami, Ryou (although he passed out again immediately after completion) and Joey (complaining that he had to go the whole time) to separate the girls. They sat, backs to opposite walls, glaring across the elevator at one another.

Kaiba snorted amusedly. "Cat fight."

UMPH! Kaiba gasped for air after his briefcase landed square in his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

Ahh…glorious silence. Yugi, who felt as though his back were broken, gently rubbed his spine as pain shot through it. He felt like someone was holding a jackhammer to his head, but the silence was a welcome relief from the bawling and whimpering from earlier. Joey had FINALLY stopped— 

"I gotta go, I really really need to pee!" cried Joey, beginning his full-blown whimpering again.

"I'm hungry," Tristan complained, rubbing his stomach just as it growled loudly.

"I'm hungry too!" added Joey. "Man, I can't remember the last time I ate…I'm going to starve to death! I can already feel my stomach eating itself! Everything's getting fuzzy…owww, my poor stomach, I'm so hungry…" Tristan joined in eagerly.

"Shut up," ordered Mai.

"Yeah, didn't you just have to go to the bathroom?" asked Yami.

"What? Huh?" asked Joey, shaken from his description of a roast beef sandwich that he should be eating.

"You mean if we just mentioned food, Joey would have shut up about having to piss?" demanded Mai. 

Joey sniffed as if he had been gravely insulted, and whimpered again, this time in hunger, along with Tristan.

Actually, everyone was hungry. Except for Ryou, of course, who had eaten (beans for) lunch, and also, being hungry doesn't matter as much when you're unconscious.

Eventually (after what seemed like eons), Joey and Tristan's hunger whimperings subsided…and were replaced by a new noise. A noise feared by all who have suffered from listening to it in the dark. A noise so terrible, so horrible that it made everyone's blood run cold.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ," snored Joey loudly, snorting occasionally as he slept. He was leaning against the wall and his mouth was open slightly. A line of drool was hanging down from his mouth, which opened and closed periodically. Tristan joined him in an extremely unpleasant chorus, but he wasn't half as loud or obnoxious at it as Joey. Joey also mumbled a few words every now and then. "Hamburger….zzzzzzz….snorflat….stupid….ketchup…..zzzzzzzzzzz," he snored.

The twitch began above Kaiba's left eyebrow and traveled to affect his whole eye. "Wake him up already," Kaiba growled, his eye twitching strangely in extreme anger.

Tea sighed. "You can't wake Joey up. He can sleep through a hurricane," she said tiredly, rubbing her forehead.

"I don't care! Somebody just wake him up!" Kaiba commanded. Yami sighed and kicked Joey, but the sleeping boy just fell over onto Tea, snoring louder than ever. Tea quickly shoved him off of her onto Tristan.

And the snoring continued, for no one could wake Joey up. It was obviously affecting Kaiba the most; sweat ran down his face and his left eye twitched erratically. He was breathing in shallow gasps, trying to block out the sound and to keep himself from murdering Joey. Must— remain— calm, he told himself, trying to get in control. But it was no use.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!" Kaiba screamed, getting to his feet and shouting to block out Joey's snoring. "I AM GOING INSANE! I AM GETTING OUT OF HERE!" With that, he stepped to the elevator doors and frantically tried to pull them apart.

Everyone watched Kaiba's breakdown in interest. This was the most exciting thing that had happened for nearly half an hour.

"You're wasting your energy, Kaiba. You can't open the door," Yami said wearily. He was still not facing Yugi.

"NO! I MUST ESCAPE! I WILL ESCAPE!" Using all his strength, Kaiba actually managed to push the elevator doors apart a few inches. Seeing his progress, a few people got up to try and help him. "NO! BACK AWAY! ONLY I WILL ESCAPE!" Kaiba shrieked, lashing out at people with his briefcase. "IF YOU TOUCH IT, I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

"Kaiba's lost it," Mai stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," Ryou, who had come to again, agreed.

Kaiba, breathing heavily and laughing occasionally like a maniac, pried the doors open a few more inches. Through the gap, he could see the dark elevator shaft. Once the opening was just big enough, he stuck his head through….

…and got it stuck.

Kaiba soon realized that he could not open the doors any more while his head was between the gap, so he tried to pull it back to open them wider…but he couldn't. His head got stuck between the slightly open doors, and he couldn't pull it back no matter how hard he tugged.

"Somehuhy hep me!" cried Kaiba, frantically trying to get his head back into the elevator.

"What did he say?" asked Tea curiously. The doors muffled Kaiba's sound.

"I think he said, 'somebody help me,'" suggested Yami.

"Yeh! Yeh I did! Hep me out!" Kaiba continued, thrashing his body wildly.

"But Kaiba said he'd kill us if we touched it!" pointed out Yugi. "We better leave him alone."

Everyone stared at Yugi for a second, for the first time seeing his evilness. Then everyone, including Yugi, laughed and sat down. Kaiba's head was still stuck between the elevator doors, no matter how hard he tried to pull it out, and no one tried to help him. Joey and Tristan still snored obnoxiously, and Ryou continued to pass out and come to randomly.

And the elevator…went to Vegas! [Ha ha, nice change of pace there, eh?] But it STILL didn't move! 


	6. Familiarity Breeds…Well, Uh, Contempt

Author's Note: I'm back on track now that exams are over! *Cheers* Happy holidays, everyone. I just saw Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, and I am in a really bad mood because my favorite character (well, one of them) dies. WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS?! The plot was quite different from the book, too…I think the first one's better. Okay, that was completely random. Just ignore this note and read the chapter. J 

Chapter Six: Familiarity Breeds…Well, Uh, Contempt

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ." The sound of snoring filled the elevator. Joey and Tristan were still sound asleep, and their snoring had only gotten worse. After listening for a while, Tea had determined that Joey had a loud, deep snore, while Tristan had a higher-pitched, more feminine-sounding snore. Joey also talked occasionally in his sleep, just muttering random words and phrases.

Kaiba's head was still stuck between the doors of the elevator. Despite how he squirmed and yelled and scratched, the doors didn't budge, meaning his head didn't either.

"GEP ME OUF UF HERE!" he screamed, his mean voice slightly muffled by the thick doors.

"What's that, Kaiba? We can't hear you!" cackled Yami evilly. Everyone else echoed his laugh and settled back in his or her…resting place. Even the loud, obnoxious snoring of the loud, obnoxious Joey and Tristan could not dampen their slightly raised spirits. It seemed that Kaiba had finally gotten his just punishment for always being cruel and cold.

Eventually, however, the thrill of listening to Kaiba's pleas for help wore off, and everyone grew tired of his voice, along with the sound of the snoring. "Okay, Kaiba, you can be quiet now," Yami instructed, resting his head on his shoulder tiredly. 

For some reason or another, Kaiba didn't stop yelling for help. By now, everyone was really tired of his high-pitched screams. "Shut up, Kaiba!" demanded Mai, readjusting her jacket over her front and skirt. "Jeez, can we not have some peace and quiet in this @#)@&(^ elevator for five *()@Y#^$)& minutes?!"

Unfortunately for Mai, Kaiba began to scream more loudly, frantically trying to free his head. In addition to this, he began to wriggle his body, which was still inside the elevator.

"Kaiba, if you don't shut up, I'll get Bakura to set you on fire," threatened Yami, shaking a fist at Kaiba's wriggling butt. 

"Really?" said the evil spirit interestedly, sitting up in his corner. He raised his hand to produce fire, but Ryou suddenly woke up. The poor British lad was suffering from a head injury that caused him to black out periodically. 

"Bakura, gimme hug," he muttered sleepily, wrapping his arms around the evil spirit's neck. 

"GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Bakura, frantically trying to pry Ryou's arms off. Ryou laughed like a lunatic (hey, maybe he was a lunatic— that can happen due to head injuries, you know) and snuggled his head against Bakura, who pounded Ryou's arms repeatedly. He finally succeeded in prying off the dazed boy and shoved him onto the elevator floor.

Looking up from his back, Ryou smiled at Mai. "Gimme hug?" he tried, reaching up to fasten his hand on Mai's jacket.

WHAM! Mai's pointed boot slammed down on Ryou's head. He passed out again. 

Despite this little…escapade, Kaiba was still being loud and obnoxious. "What a jerk," muttered Mai. Everyone was unsure if she was referring to Ryou or Kaiba. 

"Okay, we gotta make him shut up NOW," stated Yugi, who had been covering his ears with his hands. "If I have to listen to ONE MORE MINUTE OF THAT— "

"Hey, let's throw the briefcase at him," suggested Tea, who was sitting closest to the doors and therefore closest to Kaiba's body. When Kaiba heard this, he lashed out with his leg, kicking Tea squarely in the back and sending her flying…into Yugi. 

Again.

Tea quickly got off Yugi and helped him sit up. "Are you okay, Yugi?" she asked, rubbing her back and nose (which was still broken) gingerly. 

"Yeah, I think so, Tea," said Yugi, actually accepting Tea's offered hand to help him up. He chuckled. "I guess after the issue with my hair, I kind of lost it. Don't worry, I'm not so concerned with things that happened in the past any more." He smiled.

Everyone gasped.

Yugi had actually smiled with his mouth open, something he normally didn't do. This was a strange, unfortunate coincidence, as it revealed a large gap between two of Yugi's top front teeth. 

Yugi sighed and closed his eyes. He remembered this reaction from last time, but he couldn't sense that anything was wrong. Slowly, very, very slowly, he turned to face Yami directly. Yami's eyes were wide open. "What is it? Just tell me, Yami," he said wearily.

Not saying a word, Yami slowly exposed his own teeth and pointed. Yugi's eyes widened about two inches and he slowly examined his own teeth with a finger. It was like watching someone flying through the air and then CRASH! seeing the impact as they watched Yugi's finger touch the spot a tooth no longer occupied. 

[Now, the expression "putting things in perspective" simply means comparing your unfortunate situation to a much worse situation. For example, if you were upset because you had a large pimple on your nose, you might put things in perspective by comparing your pimple situation to someone who was, say, being eaten by a sea monster. Unfortunately, putting things in perspective rarely works because, as you may know, it is rather difficult to imagine yourself being eaten by a sea monster when all you can think about is the hideous pimple on your nose. 

In this case, Yugi should probably be comparing his situation to someone being chased by a lion, or perhaps someone trapped on Jekyll Island. Unfortunately, that's not what happens.]

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yugi screamed his war cry as he leaped up and began to pummel Tea's head forcefully. She fell backwards with a surprised yelp, and Yugi was immediately on top of her, screaming and pulling her hair and punching her ferociously. "I HATE YOU!" he yelled again and again. Tea attempted to pull him off, but only succeeded in getting her hand bitten viciously by the rabid Yugi.

Yami, Bakura, and Mai exchanged glances. As the only sane/intact/conscious beings in the elevator, it was their decision. Should they or should they not attempt to pull Yugi off of Tea?

"I say we wait a while," deemed Mai, and Bakura nodded wisely. 

"Two minutes it is," announced Yami, timing on his own watch (although it wasn't as cool as Tristan's, if you remember).

Two minutes later, Yami pulled the scratching, biting, screaming Yugi off of Tea, who was being held by Mai.

Yugi began to sob uncontrollably, and Yami held him close again. "There, there," he murmured, holding the boy tightly. "I'm here for you, Yugi."

"But you know what this means, Yami," sobbed Yugi. "My career with Modeling For Midgets is over!"

"Shhhhh," Yami soothed, patting Yugi's already damaged hair. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

Tea didn't really say much, as she too was now unconscious.

After a few relatively quiet minutes (except for Kaiba continuing to yell and Joey and Tristan snoring), Yugi began to laugh kind of strangely. It was that kind of laugh, not evil, that listening to makes you feel uncomfortable. Yami suddenly snorted loudly, trying to contain his own laughter.

"What is it?" asked Mai semi-interestedly, filing her…well, they really weren't nails anymore. She had filed them all away. 

"I just got this kind of interesting idea," said Yugi in a voice that none of them had ever heard before. 

"Yeah? Let's hear it," said Mai, putting away her file.

Yugi began to laugh again. "I thought maybe Bakura could set Joey and Tristan's hair on fire…_that_ might wake 'em up."

Bakura looked up interestedly. "Really?"

Ryou suddenly gained consciousness. "You know, setting people on fire in an elevator may not be a good idea," he advised before passing out again.

Yami and Yugi laughed simultaneously, and I'm fairly sure that Kaiba would have laughed too, if his head had not been stuck between the doors of the elevator.

Bakura stood and made his way over to the sleeping boys. Kneeling down, he bent to Tristan's head first. Tristan had started to go "whee whee whee" at the end of each snore (like baby Pegasus in Disney's Hercules).

Suddenly, a spark leapt from Bakura's hand and Tristan's pointy hair burst into flames. Tristan woke instantly, screaming insanely and beating his head against the wall, and then into Bakura's stomach. "Umph!" exerted the evil spirit of the Millennium Ring; Tristan's pointy head/hair had knocked the wind out of him, not to mention set him on fire as well.

The two on fire beat themselves furiously until the flames had been put out. Everyone else (conscious) in the elevator laughed hysterically, tears streaming down their cheeks and beating their fists on the floor. Bakura swiftly kicked Tristan in the side and stomped back over to his corner, where he fumed silently, adding Tristan to his Mortals Doomed To Die Sooner Than Others By My Great And Powerful Hand list.

Kaiba started crying. His head was really starting to hurt, and everyone inside the elevator was laughing at him. He wanted to crawl under a rock and die, or maybe just get out of the elevator and go back to his normal life. He continued to beg to be set free, but no one seemed to listen, they were laughing too hard.

Back inside the elevator (where, ironically, most of Kaiba was located), Tristan was losing it. [What IS 'it'? Did Tristan ever have it in the first place?] "I gotta get out of here, you guys!" he cried, shaking. "I'm claustri— clausi— caustra— "

"Claustrophobic," corrected Yami tiredly. "And that just sucks for you, because there is no freakin' way out of this elevator."

But Tristan persevered. "There's gotta be a way out! AND I GOTTA GET OUT!"

"Look, pal, if there was some way out, we would have gone through it!" snapped Mai. "I wish you would just go back to sleep if you can't think of anything intelligent to say!"

Tristan pouted and didn't say anything after a soft _humph_. He leaned his head against the elevator wall and looked upward, staring into space. 

Yami continued to hold Yugi, whose hair was mashed. He absentmindedly looked for Yugi's tooth on the floor, although he suspected that the boy had swallowed it. He was glad that Yugi wasn't mad at him, and that Yugi had beaten up Tea. 

Yugi was upset that he was getting so beat-up, and he wanted to cry some more. He was really glad that Yami was no longer angry at him. But he wasn't really sorry about what he had done to Tea. He had never liked her much anyway, especially after she had gotten ketchup all over his favorite shirt on their first real meeting. It had been Yami who insisted on saving her from that weird guy, and that had only been because he wanted to try out the Millennium properties of his cards.

Bakura was really embarrassed and angry. So angry, in fact, that he could barely concentrate on his Mortals Doomed To Die Sooner Than Others By My Great And Powerful Hand list, which brought him more pleasure than anything else. He silently cursed Tristan, as well as Yugi, who had suggested the idea in the first place, and settled on tossing Yugi off a cliff or throwing him into a volcano.

Mai was getting a migraine of her own. She had to sit in a rather awkward position to prevent from exposing her ripped skirt. Her fingers were starting to bleed from filing them down so far. She was also glad that Yugi had beaten up Tea. She was tired, and felt like bashing in someone else's face with her boot. Instead, she decided to file something else, and removed a boot to work on her toenails, which put her into an even more awkward position.

A terrible smell filled the elevator. "Jeez, Ryou, can you cut it out?!" demanded Yami, covering his nose with a sleeve.

"He can't hear you, you great idiot, he's knocked out," growled Bakura, covering his nose as well and coughing. "And it's not…_that_ smell."

"Whatever it is, is stinks!" Yugi interjected, groaning and clutching his stomach.

"Ha, ha. Very funny," retorted Mai as she brought her foot close to her face to file it. As she got it into position, even she gagged and covered her nose. 

"Sheesh, don't you ever wash your feet?" asked Yami, trying not to throw up.

"As a matter of fact, I do! I bet yours smell fifty times worse," snapped Mai, stuffing her foot back into her boot.

"Is that a threat?" demanded Yami, facing Mai angrily.

"How was that a threat?" asked Bakura. "You're as stupid as a mortal!"

Tristan had been staring at the ceiling this whole time, thinking nice thoughts about food and games. He was humming a happy song in his head when he noticed something that kind of confused him. Completely oblivious to the current quarrel, he interjected, "I wonder why there's a square on the ceiling."

Silence.

"The escape hatch," breathed Yugi, eyes wide in wonder. 

"Let's get out of here!" suggested Mai, scrambling to her feet.

Stepping over everyone (not too carefully, one might add), the surviving (by which I mean conscious) occupants got over to where Tristan was sitting. A square in the ceiling indicated an opening through which they could get out.

"Why didn't you tell us about this before?" demanded Yami, turning on Tristan, along with Mai, Yugi, and Bakura.

"I— I don't know?" Tristan mumbled fearfully.

"HEP!" a strange noise reminded everyone that Kaiba's head was still stuck between the doors.

"Shut up!" everyone chorused, and refocused their attention on the escape hatch. 

"So who's going first?" asked Mai, putting her hands on her hips. Yami, Yugi, and Bakura, exchanged glances before turning and smiling at Tristan.

"What is it?" asked Tristan, who had been zoning out again.

"You get to climb out first!" said Yugi enthusiastically. 

"Really? Okay!" Tristan, who was dumb and eager to get out of the elevator, said eagerly.

Grunting and groaning, Yami and Bakura boosted Tristan up. He slowly pried the little door off, and it fell.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, Mai," Tristan apologized, sticking his arms and head through the opening. He got his upper body through, and was supporting himself with his arms as he tried to pull his legs through. And tried again. And again.

But they wouldn't fit.

"Help!" he screamed, writhing in the darkness of the elevator shaft. "HELP ME!"

"What is it, Tristan?" called Yugi, who couldn't hear his friend's call, but could see his frantically kicking legs and lower body sticking out of the elevator hatch.

"HELP ME GET ME OUT OF HERE! HELP!" shrieked Tristan, squirming frantically, but he couldn't get down or up. He kicked frantically.

"YOU *^%$@! MORTAL!" Bakura screamed, clutching the back of his head. The same part of his head, actually, that had been hit by a telephone receiver earlier.

Tristan, no matter how hard he tried, could not get up or down or move much at all, except for his legs and arms. Kaiba's head was still stuck between the elevator doors, and he could hear Tristan, to no advantage. 

Mai, Yugi, Yami, and Bakura, stood, puzzled, in the elevator, wondering what the heck Tristan was doing. 

Tea, Ryou, and Joey were all still unconscious, Joey still snoring loudly and obnoxiously. "Snicklepay….zzzzzzzzzzzz…."

And the elevator didn't move!

Author's Note: I'd like to take this time to apologize to all Kaiba fangirls. Don't worry, he's my favorite character, I'm just not playing favorites. In fact, I'm kind of playing least favorites, which means I'm bashing my least-favorite characters. Heh heh…sorry about that. You all wanted them to get out the escape hatch, but I was waiting for just the right moment.

Disclaimer: The title is from something said in Treasure Planet, which was a surprisingly good movie. Go see it. Also, the whole "putting things in perspective" thing belongs to Lemony Snicket (whatever his real name is).


	7. Insanity Is Only The Beginning

Author's Note: I would like to take this time to express that Aragorn is NOT my favorite character from Lord of the Rings, and that it is extremely obvious that he does not die. I _have_ read the books. Also, the third book/movie is named after him. I mean, jeez. No, my favorite character is Haldir; you know, the elf who goes "The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark" in the first movie. He's not even IN the second book! Er…sorry about that…I just got kind of carried away. A great many thanks to Nuriko Metallium, who alone expressed sympathy at the loss of my Haldir. 

Chapter Seven: Insanity Is Only The Beginning

"WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," Tristan sobbed loudly, flailing his arms and legs frantically as he attempted, rather unsuccessfully, to free himself from the escape hatch. His upper body stuck out from the top of the elevator, and his legs and lower body dangled inside the elevator. 

Yami, Mai, Bakura, and Yugi had retreated to the corners of the elevator so as to avoid Tristan's kicking legs. They still hadn't figured out why he wasn't climbing out of the hatch so that the rest of them could get out. They could tell he was making some noise, but couldn't discern what he was saying.

"Tristan?" Yami called. "Tristan, can you hear me?"

"GETMEOUTTAHEREMOMMYIWANNAGOHOME," sobbed Tristan.

"What the )(@&# is he saying?" demanded Mai.

"I don't know," admitted Yugi. "Do you think maybe he's stuck?"

"I dunno," said Mai doubtfully. "I guess he could be stuck."

"I think the stupid $*!@# mortal is stuck," growled Bakura, scowling from his corner. 

"Hey Tristan, are you stuck?" called Yugi.

"YES! YES, I'M STUCK!" screamed Tristan, frantically straining to pull himself out of the escape hatch.

"Maybe he's not stuck," suggested Yami.

"Yeah, I don't think he's stuck," added Mai.

"I think he IS stuck," Yugi protested.

"He could be stuck," said Bakura.

While Yami, Yugi, Mai, and Bakura were having this stimulating conversation, Seto Kaiba's head was still trapped between the doors of the elevator. He had been trying to get it out for over an hour, but, unlike Tristan's undecided position, was definitely stuck.

Kaiba couldn't tell what everyone inside the elevator had been saying, but he had been able to make out some arguments (gee, what a surprise) and what had sounded like another fight. He could also tell that someone had stuck his/her head out of the escape hatch— why hadn't he thought of that? He had also noticed that whoever had stuck his/her head out of the escape hatch was stuck. He guessed it was Tristan because of the high-pitched, "girly" scream.

Sighing, Kaiba positioned his hands (which were still inside of the elevator) again and again tried to pull his head out of the elevator doors. When this didn't work (what another surprise), he tried to pull the doors apart. Using all the strength he could muster, Kaiba finally managed to pull the doors open and free his head.

[Ha ha! I am of course joking. Kaiba's not getting out THAT easily. Now, back to what really happens.]

Using all the strength he could muster, Kaiba grunted as he tried to pull the doors open. Despite his hardest efforts, he just couldn't pull them apart. His head was still stuck, the state of being in which Tristan _might_ have been.

"I dunno, you guys, how are we gonna tell if he's stuck?" asked Mai doubtfully.

"Look, if he wasn't stuck, he would get out!" argued Bakura.

"Maybe he fell asleep again," suggested Yugi.

"Yeah," agreed Yami, crossing his arms as he continued to stare up at Tristan's kicking feet.

"He's NOT asleep," stated Mai. 

"No, actually, Tristan's been known to sleep like that," Yugi pointed out.

"Really? Then maybe he's not stuck."

"He's _so_ stuck!"

"Maybe he is stuck."

"I dunno if he's stuck."

"Do you think maybe he's stuck?"

[Although this rather…odd…conversation may seem unlikely, it has been scientifically proven that a rapid I.Q. decrease is directly proportional to the number of hours one has been trapped in an elevator.]

Joey was still sleeping, and his snoring was really starting to get to Mai. All throughout the "stuck" conversation, the loud, obnoxious sound coming from Joey's unusually large and ugly mouth had been grating on her last nerve. _He even pisses me off when he's asleep_, she thought, glaring at him silently. The more she glared at him, the more she hated everything about him; his abnormally big hair and head, his annoying attitude, his ugly and completely unfashionable wardrobe— everything about him made her want to pound his face into the ground, or maybe stomp him in the stomach with her boot some more.

As Yami, Yugi, and Bakura continued to debate the Tristan's state of being stuck or not, Yami noticed that Mai had stopped talking and was glaring at Joey. If looks could kill, Joey would be dead and his corpse would be on fire. So much hatred and malice was in that stare; it scared Yami. Mai's right eye started to twitch as she glowered at the sleeping boy. 

Yugi and Bakura eventually caught on, and stopped the conversation. Everyone started at Mai, who evidently didn't notice all the attention. Everyone had never seen Mai this angry, and it even scared Bakura.

Suddenly, Joey snorted loudly in his sleep and began to speak again. "Zzzzzz…cake…zzzzzz…Mai," he snored.

Mai's anger tripled, and she growled loudly. "Mai— what?" she demanded, fists clenched. 

Everyone held their breath. _Don't say anything, Joey_, Yugi prayed, pleading for his friend's life.

Joey snored some more without speaking, then began to do it again. "Mai's…zzzzzz…"

"MAI'S WHAT?" demanded Mai, eyes glowing red. "SPEAK!"

Yami pulled Yugi close to him. "Don't look," he whispered, covering the boy's eyes. 

"Children shouldn't be exposed to such violence," agreed Ryou, who had evidently woken up. He leaned against Bakura, who proceeded to shove him away. 

"GRRRR!" growled Mai, shooting her death-glare at Ryou, who gulped and promptly passed out again.

Joey began to laugh in his sleep. Mai redirected her attention to him, the way a carnivorous dinosaur redirects its attention to its prey after being distracted by a loud sound. [You know, Jurassic Park!] Joey continued to laugh, snorting and rolling over on his back. "Mai's…zzzzz…skirt," he mumbled, and laughed again.

[In order to keep this story under R, I will refrain from describing the ensuing violence in great detail.]

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Mai, springing into the air like a bobcat attacking its prey. "DIE!" she shrieked, producing her nail file from her pocket and holding it like a dagger above her head, aimed at Joey's throat.

"Mai, no!" shouted Yami, pushing Yugi closer to the wall to protect him and diving over in an attempt to save Joey's life. 

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" roared Mai, swiftly kicking Yami in the stomach. She raised her nail file high again in an attempted homicide. Something grabbed her arms and yanked back, and she turned on Bakura, snarling like a wild animal.

"This mortal's mine!" he insisted, trying to wrestle the nail file out of her hands. 

"I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU IF I HAVE TO!" Mai screamed, tearing her nail file away from Bakura, shoving him to the ground (on top of Tea), and leaping again on Joey.

Now it was Yugi's turn. He had been prepared and was ready to snatch the nail file away as she brought it down on Joey's throat. He actually got it away and threw it to the far end of the elevator (wow, four feet) as hard as he could. 

Yami, recovered from the kick, pulled Yugi away from Mai in what seemed like slow motion as she came after him, but suddenly stopped and returned to Joey. Her hands closed around his neck and she attempted to strangle him while screaming and pounding his face.

Although Joey could sleep through a hurricane, he certainly couldn't sleep through his own attempted murder. He woke up with a start and his life immediately flashed before his eyes as Mai strangled him with her bare hands.

Yami, Yugi, and Bakura tried to pull the raging girl off of Joey, and managed to pick her up. She screamed, kicked, and bit, thrashing wildly in an attempt to get free. Joey scurried to the opposite end of the elevator in fear, shrieking like Tristan, who, by the way, was still stuck— or was he?

Mai lashed out with her feet, swiftly kicking the elevator doors— between which Kaiba's head was still stuck.

As Mai continued to struggle, screaming like an angry hawk, the elevator doors began to converge— well, attempt to converge, as something was stuck between them. The doors pushed together stubbornly, however, ignoring the welfare of the object stuck between them, which was frantically trying to get out.

"HELP! HELP ME OUF UF HERE!" screamed Kaiba, more frantic than ever. "OWW! I'M BEING CRUSHED!"

"Why should we— umph— help you?" demanded Yami, trying to shove Mai into a corner. She lashed out and kicked him in the stomach and he sunk to the ground, still holding onto her.

"I'LL DO ANYFING! GIF YOU ANYFING! JUST GEF ME OUT!" Kaiba screamed, thrashing wildly as he tried to pull his head out.

"Hold— on," Yugi grunted as he, Yami, and Bakura tried to make Mai stop squirming.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kaiba screamed as the elevator doors continued to press together. He could hear an extremely loud buzzing in his compressed ears, loud enough to block out all sound, and his head felt like it was going to explode in any second— 

Suddenly, Kaiba felt a slight relief on his head. Someone was helping him! Three pairs of hands were desperately yanking the doors apart. With Kaiba's combined effort, the doors opened enough so that Kaiba's head was freed.

[For real this time. Are you happy?]

Kaiba gulped in air and sunk to the ground, rubbing his head. Tears were streaming down his face and he could feel the outline of the elevator doors in his skin. Looking up, he saw Yugi, Yami, and Bakura, looking wearily but strangely down at him. 

"Are you all right?" Yugi asked.

"Oh, so now you care?" Kaiba retorted angrily. "THANKS FOR LEAVING ME STUCK IN THERE!" He turned away angrily, wiping his eyes and still rubbing his face.

"Hey, not so fast, Kaiba," Yami directed. "You said you'd do anything if we got you out." He began to laugh evilly, and Yugi and Bakura easily joined in. Kaiba gulped.

A loud, angry sound from the corner interrupted their harmonious laughter. Kaiba turned around and saw Mai tied up in a corner, a gag in her mouth to keep her quiet. She was staring at another corner, in which Joey cowered behind Ryou. Something about the dark blue strips that held Mai seemed familiar to Kaiba. Really familiar.

Reaching behind him with his gaze still fixed on Mai, Kaiba, now standing, couldn't feel his trench coat covering his legs. He closed his eyes and discovered that his once ankle-length coat now ended at his waist. It was his turn for his eyes to glow red. He pulled back his lips to reveal pointed teeth. He growled and approached Yami.

Yami laughed nervously. "Uh…Kaiba, remember you said you'd do anything if we got you out? Um, Kaiba…" He was cut off as he nearly stumbled while backing up to avoid Kaiba.

"I'm— going— to— kill— you," breathed Kaiba, his arms reaching forward to grasp Yugi, Bakura, or Yami's neck. He focused on Yugi and was about to lunge forward when— 

[Remember Tristan? Ah yes, the one stuck— was it ever decided that he WAS stuck?— in the escape hatch. He had been kicking and trying to free himself for quite a while. Finally, he had settled upon what seemed like a solution: by raising his arms above his head and trying to propel his body downward, he could feel himself inching slightly back into the elevator. Unfortunately, this was an extremely slow process, and it took a long time for him to move even a very little, despite the fact that his stomach was sucked in. 

After about twenty minutes of this, Tristan had discovered that by raising his legs, which were inside the elevator, he could move downward much faster. Unknown to him, this also made him rather unnoticed by the elevator's occupants, unless they knew to look upward. 

Kaiba, however, did not know to look upward, and did therefore not know of Tristan's presence.]

— Tristan fell from the ceiling and crashed directly into Kaiba.

Yugi, Yami, and Bakura stared, surprised, at Kaiba and Tristan, whose faces were now smashed into the floor, and were thankful that Tristan had saved them from Kaiba. 

Joey, however, was not as blessed; his pursuer, Mai, was still conscious and glaring at him from the corner where she was tied up.

"GRRRR!" spat Mai, the sound slightly muffled from the gag in her mouth, which was, interestingly enough, part of Kaiba's favorite trench coat.

Tea and Ryou were still unconscious.

And the elevator (tee hee, I just love typing this!)…didn't move. 


	8. Why Can't We Be Friends?

Author's Note: I just love reading my reviews…a big thank you to everyone who has done so! Special thanks to Europa for the positive feedback on the little comments I add in as I write. I couldn't decide if they were funny or annoying. Also, I'd like to thank the Starbound2, author of the little Joey-sleeping Tristan-Serenity scenario review, for making me laugh. ^______^ 

Chapter Eight: Why Can't We Be Friends?

Before going ahead to what happened after Tristan fell from the escape hatch onto Kaiba, let us take a moment to review everyone's current status!

Yami Yugi was not having a good day. He had gotten into a fight with Yugi, tried to beat up Bakura, and had to sit through Ryou's farts and Joey's snoring. On top of all of that, he had had to deal with scary psycho-murderer Mai (who was actually hard to tell apart from normal Mai). Just when he thought he would have a little relief, a little peace from Mai, Kaiba, whom HE HAD RESCUED!, had blown up at him! All because of some stupid coat. 

Bakura, similarly, was not in a pleasant mood. He had a large bump on his head from the telephone receiver that Kaiba had thrown at him earlier, and it was aching terribly. He had preferred to sit and watch the elevator doors slowly squash Kaiba's head like a bug (which he had decided was the perfect death for him, even if he didn't get the credit for it), but Yami had thrown him into the elevator doors and made him help. What a meanie, he thought, glaring at Yami, whose eyes were closed and kind of twitching, the way that electricity seems to affect people after they get "electrocuted" by an electric fence in movies.

Ryou and Tea were unconscious. Not much to clear up there.

Mai was still in crazy-murderer mode, and was struggling frantically in the corner to free herself from her bonds, which were made of the bottom of Kaiba's once-favorite trench coat. Joey cowered in the opposite corner, unsure of what he had done (this time) to enact such rage and hatred. Mai had stopped growling because she was currently overly-salivating, like, say, a mad dog, or someone who has swallowed bubble bath.

Kaiba was crushed to the floor underneath Tristan, (all together now: ouch!) who had fallen into him from above. [Now, if that isn't divine intervention, I don't know what is!]

Yugi stood close to the back wall of the elevator. His heart was pounding from the fear that Kaiba would tear his throat out from a few seconds earlier. Smiling with relief, he remembered his missing tooth. Growling in anger, he kicked Tea, who was lying on the floor, unconscious. His foot came into contact with her side and she _oomph_-ed. Yugi threw his head back and laughed evilly. It would have been the perfect moment— 

[Let's go over the context clues of that sentence, shall we? Key words: _would have_.]

— except his (what everyone had thought were) bangs took that moment to fall backwards off of his head, over his now mashed hair. Everyone (conscious, not tied up, and standing), including Yugi, gasped.

Yami spoke first. "Yugi!" he wheezed, clutching his heart with his hand. "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Yugi dived onto the floor to snatch up what had apparently been one of those fake ponytails that had been changed and shaped into bangs. "This isn't what it looks like!" he cried, frantically trying to put the "bangs" back on his head.

"Yugi…" Bakura breathed. "You…you WEAR FAKE HAIR?!"

Yami had buried his face in his hands and was sobbing. Bakura stepped on Ryou to get over to him, and Yami began to sob into his shoulder. "I THOUGHT OUR HAIR NATURALLY LOOKED ALIKE, YUGI!" he sobbed. "WHAT NEXT, AM I GONNA FIND OUT YOU WEAR CONTACTS AND GOT A NOSE JOB?!"

Yugi gasped. "Who told you?" he demanded. "Was it Grandpa? I'm gonna— "

Yami began to sob harder. "Shut up, you stupid little monster!" snapped Bakura. "You're only making it worse! Go do us a favor and die somewhere!"

Yugi's face wrinkled up and he began to wail. Combined with Yami's heaving sobs, it produced quite a chorus.

[Ah, yes. The soundtrack to "Seven Guys, Two Girls, and One @#$&! Elevator" is now available at your local K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Target, and other fine stores. Half of all proceeds go to the Yugi's Tooth Fund.]

By this time, Kaiba had regained his senses. He was still trapped underneath the large, heavy Tristan, who had apparently gone to sleep on top of him and was trying to hug him in his sleep. "GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Kaiba, struggling from under Tristan, who rolled off of him and into Tea. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, and she woke up screaming and breathing heavily and pushed him off. She sat up, noticed Yami and Yugi crying, and quietly lay back down, deciding it was safer to be unconscious. [And you didn't think she was smart!] Tristan, undaunted by this display, rolled to the other side and into Ryou. Ryou wrapped his arms around Tristan, who quickly shoved them off and rolled far away to the other side of the elevator, snoring loudly.

Kaiba struggled to his feet, breathing loudly and eyes wild. It was quite strange to see Kaiba with a short coat instead one of his usual trench coats. Kaiba slowly turned around to face Yami, whom he evidently deemed responsible for the loss of his coat. 

Yugi, who was now standing behind Kaiba, suddenly began to laugh. He stopped crying and laughed helplessly, dropping to his knees. Tears of mirth streamed down his face as he laughed, clutching his stomach in pain. Tea, who was also behind Kaiba, got up, followed Yugi's pointing finger with her eyes, and snorted out her own laughter. 

Kaiba whirled around to face the hysterical Yugi and Tea. Yami and Bakura, who were now exposed to Kaiba's backside, began to laugh as well. Yami wiped away his tears, laughing like a hyena, and Bakura fell over as the laughter racked his body.

"WHAT'S SO @#)*&% FUNNY?!" demanded Kaiba, turning around as he tried to look at his back. This turning around showed Mai and Joey his backside, and they too began to laugh wildly.

Kaiba frantically ran his hands from the top of his back down, and suddenly froze when he felt the large whole in the seat of his pants. As his hands made contact, the elevator again erupted in even more frenzied laughter. 

"So— so that's why you always wear long coats!" gasped out Yugi between laughs. 

Kaiba's face turned as red as the carpet in the elevator when he remembered the underpants he had selected that morning— 

"Hel-lo, kitty!" added Tea, who again erupted in uncontrollable laughter. 

— white cats with the words "Hello Kitty" spelled out in the pink yarn they were playing with.

He turned on Mai first. "YOU SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING, YOU *&@$!" he screamed. "IT HAPPENED TO YOU FIRST, REMEMBER?!"

But Mai was laughing too hard to answer. Plus, she still had part of his coat stuffed in her mouth.

Furious, Kaiba stormed over to his corner from before and plopped down, burying his face in his arms.

The laughter eventually died down, but no one would ever forget the sight of Kaiba's "Hello Kitty" boxers. The peaceful (yeah, right) silence from before resumed the elevator, and things settled down a bit.

Suddenly, Kaiba, who had been hiding his face since the underwear incident, stuck his head up, eyes alert, and moved forward to snatch his briefcase. He frantically tried to open it, and fumbled the combination because he was moving so fast.

"Jeez, what's the hurry?" asked Joey from another corner. "You got a sewing kit in there, eh Kaiba?" A few laughs responded to this joke, and Joey was greatly encouraged. Unfortunately, Kaiba appeared not to have heard, so Joey decided to try again. "I personally think you should use some pink thread. Yeah, it'll go real nice with your underwear."

But Kaiba wasn't listening. He had succeeded in opening his briefcase, and began to empty it desperately. Everyone watched as he tossed out lots of papers, some pens, and…a cell phone.

As Kaiba held up the cell phone it seemed to glow with an unearthly white light. Heavenly music played and all were in awe of the indescribable beauty of the cell phone.

However, it wore off pretty quickly when Yami snapped, "YOU HAD THAT IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME AND DIDN'T TELL US?!"

Kaiba looked up and found himself surrounded by seven pairs (Ryou had woken up again) of angry eyes, the kind of eyes that you see on an angry mother grizzly bear when she has found you kicking one of her cubs. Kaiba nearly wet his pants.

Suddenly, everyone (except for Mai and Tristan) at once lunged for the phone.

"IT'S MINE!"

"LET GO!"

"RELEASE THE PHONE!"

"GIVE IT TO ME!"

"OW!"

"GIMME THE &@^#$% PHONE!!"

Kaiba finally succeeded in kicking everyone away and he quickly dialed a number. Everyone leaned forward anxiously. They could hear the phone ring once, twice, when suddenly they suddenly heard a voice!

"Your phone is out of batteries! Please recharge and place your call later! We are sorry for the inconvenience!"

Silence. 

"@(#&$^%@! IT!" screamed Kaiba. He "aaarrggg-ed" and threw his cell phone as hard as he could in anger. 

[Oh no. Not again, Kaiba!]

As mentioned earlier, there is a limit as to how far one can throw something in an elevator.

"OWWWW!" screamed Bakura. "MY HEAD!" He clutched his head, which was burning with terrible pain, and snatched the cell phone that had landed right on his bump from before. He dived for Kaiba, but was intercepted by Ryou, Yugi, Joey, and Yami, who frantically tried to hold him back. He roared in anger and blew them away with his evil, ancient powers. 

Kaiba whimpered and backed into the corner once more. 

Suddenly, a flash of light filled the elevator and Bakura was forced into his corner by a magical band of white light, which was enacted by Yami. He howled and fought, but could not get up. Fire and brimstone danced in his eyes.

"I will say this once, Kaiba, and I'm going to use small words so you'll be sure to understand," said Yami very quietly and carefully. "You had really, really better have a good Plan B, or we'll set Mai AND Bakura on you. Capish?"

Bakura held Kaiba's now-flaming cell phone up, scowling maliciously.

Mai growled at Kaiba from the corner and her eyes glowed as red as his face had been before.

Kaiba spoke quickly. "Look, I'm going to take apart the dueling system I invent"— here he pulled open one section of the briefcase to reveal the handheld dueling devices he had used to duel Yugi at Duelist Kingdom— "to create a transmitter radio so we can radio for help."

This actually seemed reasonable to everyone in the elevator, and they slowly nodded in agreement. [Then again, if Kaiba had told them that he was going to turn into a fish and magically disappear from the elevator into another dimension through a rock, they would have found it equally reasonable. Remember the stuck-in-elevator-I.Q. drop?]

Kaiba began to work. He pried apart his system using his fancy pens, and quickly took apart the insides and began to put things together. The elevator was silent except for the noise Kaiba made as he worked and the sound of Mai's heavy breathing. She still wanted to kill Joey, but would definitely settle for Kaiba at that moment. Bakura preferred to sit and watch silently. His theory was that if he stared at Kaiba long enough, the duelist would catch on fire.

After about twenty minutes, Kaiba had come up with a strange-looking blue plastic "radio" (as he called it) that would supposedly allow the occupants of the elevator to contact someone to call help for them and eventually get them out of the elevator. He began to fiddle with it some more, and adjusted its "antennae." Everyone held their breath as the sound of radio static filled the elevator. Turning a small knob on the side slowly, Kaiba listened for anything resembling a voice. He continued to turn it, but no voice of any kind could be heard, just loud, annoying static. Finally, when the knob had almost gone completely around and everyone was about to give up…they heard something!

"Fredag natt og lysene er lave…looking ut for et sted dra. Hvor de leker den riktige musikken, som får inn i sving, De De' kommer ve lete etter en konge. Enhver er den guy…everything er fin, De De' ang i modus for en dans…and når De får sjansen…you er den dansende dronningen, ung og søt bare sytten. Dansende dronning, føler det slår fra tambourine, å ja. De danser, De kan jive, har tiden av Deres liv…" 

Silence, except for "Dansende Dronning" from the radio.

"Hey!" Tea said suddenly. "This is a lot like my favorite song, "Dancing Queen!"

Everyone stared at her. "Only it's in English," she added meekly.

Yami sighed. "It evidently doesn't work. Just turn it off," he said wearily.

Kaiba nodded and unplugged the main wire to his device, but "Dancing Queen" was still playing (in Norwegian, if you were wondering). Frowning, he unplugged another wire, then another, but the song continued to blare. Frantic now, he pulled apart everything wildly, but the volume only seemed to increase. 

"Make it stop, Kaiba!" Joey demanded, covering his ears.

"Mmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm," Tea hummed along, snapping her fingers to the beat. Everyone glared at her, but she only smiled and said, "I like this song!"

Kaiba threw his briefcase at her. Ouch. 

And the heis (that's elevator in Norwegian!) didn't move!


	9. Are We Having Fun Yet?

Author's Note: Everybody go see When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer, I'm in it as an extra. Look for the incredibly beautiful girl with the long brown hair in a ponytail wearing a blue sweatshirt with a hummingbird on it. I'm not her. Ha ha, just kidding. Jeez, I crack myself up. Also, I might not update regularly because I'll be spending so much time on all this math homework (Jeez! At least 50 problems a night!), but I'll do my best. And the Official Reviewer of Chapter Nine is…Lynn! Congratulations, you win an all-expense-paid trip to Kaiba Land! (That was kind of random, I just felt like doing it :) Also, the reviewers of the story are everyone who has me on their favorites list! You guys rock! I'll probably name you sometime. So go! Read on!

Chapter Nine: Are We Having Fun Yet?

"Dansende dronning, føler det slår fra tambourine, å ja. De danser, De kan jive, har tiden av Deres liv…" The makeshift radio continued to blare out Tea's favorite song in Norwegian, despite Kaiba's best efforts to dismember it. The song was really getting to everyone in the elevator, except Tea, who actually liked the song and was because of it lying on her back gasping for the breath that she had lost when Kaiba's briefcase made contact with her stomach, and maybe Tristan, who was asleep again. And maybe not Bakura either, who was convinced that it was only a matter of time until Kaiba spontaneously combusted (a.k.a. randomly caught on fire and burned up and felt lots of pain and— well, that sort of thing).

"TURN THAT )*@^$(^% THING OFF!" Yami demanded, covering his ears with his hands in a futile attempt to block out the high, screechy sound. Yugi, Ryou, Yami, and Joey's ears were covered with anything in reach that they thought could possibly block out the noise. Mai, as she was tied up, was only able to scrunch up her face and press one side of her head against the wall of the elevator.

Kaiba worked frantically to take apart his invention. He pulled out wire after wire, chip after chip, but the music— well, no, it really didn't count as "music"…maybe "sound" would be more appropriate— the terrible sound only got louder and louder. He could feel his brain throbbing inside his skull, but nothing would make the stupid, @*$(*&@ radio stop! It was driving him INSANE!

Kaiba raised the "radio" high over his head and smashed it into the floor of the elevator with all his might. There was a collective relieved sigh when the radio sputtered and died. The song was gone.

Tea, however, was rather disappointed. "The…A-Teens are…my favorite…group," she wheezed out. Everyone glared at her. She shut up fast.

Kaiba closed his eyes and rubbed his throbbing temples. He could still hear the chorus of the song playing in his ears, over and over again…

"Oh, man," Joey complained, breaking Kaiba's thoughts. "I can still hear that one part of the song in my head!"

"Me too," Yugi groaned, shaking his head vigorously to try and get the sound out of his ears.

"Careful, Yugi," taunted Bakura from another corner of the elevator, still bound by Yami's spell. "If you shake your head too hard, your wig might fall off!"

Yugi whirled around and glared at Bakura as Yami burst into fresh tears. "What did you say?" questioned Yugi angrily.

"You heard me," challenged Bakura.

Yugi gasped. "Was that a challenge?" he demanded.

"Your face!" responded Bakura.

Yugi's face took on a confused look, as did those of everyone who was watching this little scenario with interest. "Wait. What?"

Bakura scowled. "I SAID, 'I'm too good to challenge you'!"

Yugi frowned. "That's not what you said! You said 'your face.' What the heck does that mean, anyway?"

"I did not say that! I said, "I'M TOO GOOD TO CHALLENGE YOU!'" insisted Bakura angrily, squirming from the bond enacted by that spell that held him in place.

Yami wiped his eyes and looked up, thinking hard. "No, you really didn't."

Bakura turned on Yami. "You stay out of this, you loser." He turned back to Yugi and growled. "I SAID THAT I'M TOO GOOD TO CHALLENGE YOU, MORTAL!" 

"You did not! You said 'your face!'" 

"Are you contradicting me? Are you saying I'm stupid?" growled Bakura, his pointed teeth glinting and eyes glowing red.

"No, no, I didn't say that!" insisted Yugi, now meek and filled with fear. He backed against the wall of the elevator.

"But you were thinking it!" accused Bakura.

Yugi gulped and scooted close to Yami, who was apparently also afraid of psycho-Bakura (who was, unlike psycho-Mai, completely and 100% undistinguishable from normal Bakura). "I don't like Bakura," he whispered to Yami. "He reads minds!"

Bakura growled again and was about to speak when Joey tiredly complained, "I can still hear it! Jeez, I'm never gonna get this outta my head!"

Kaiba, for once, was not watching the pre-fight antics. He was sitting Indian-style [or kindergarten style, I suppose. My teachers always tried to get us to call it that in order to be more politically correct or something. It never really worked. I guess it's one of those things teachers try to do to get you interested and excited in school and to be proud that you're in whatever grade you're in. Like for example, this one time in fifth grade, my teacher— okay, I'm getting off-subject. Back to the action.] in front of the smashed radio, and he couldn't take his eyes off it. The song was still repeating in his head, and he could have sworn that it was coming from the radio. But no, that was impossible— it was smashed into many pieces and nearly taken apart completely. It couldn't be working, it wasn't scientifically possible. But everyone else could hear it too…

Kaiba slowly lowered his head until it was right above the radio. It was— no, that would be impossible. But it was!

Yami finally noticed Kaiba's strange position. He was sitting with his legs crossed, and he was leaning really far out with his head close to the ground, right above the radio. Joey noticed, too.

[Although the letters of that sentence can not all be found in the word "disaster," that's definitely what they spell.]

"Heh, heh. Hey Kaiba, Mokuba sign you up for a gymnastics class too before the computer dating thing?" Joey teased, laughing in that annoying, obnoxious way of his that just makes you want to reach out there and just slap or punch him, knock him into next year, just— yeah. 

Kaiba didn't answer, just stared down at the radio, not blinking. Joey started to say something, but Yami held up his hand and everyone was silent. It took a moment for them to hear it. 

"Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— Dansende dronning— "

"It's alive!" screamed Yugi, leaping into Yami's arms.

"It wasn't just in my head!" yelped Joey, terrified. "Make it stop, Kaiba!"

Due to some strange, scary, and freakish Murphy law of science, once everyone realized the radio was still playing, it got louder and louder and louder.

"Ggggggghhhhhh!" complained Mai, who began to try and cover her ears again.

"This is my favorite part!" Tea shouted. She started to get down to the beat, but Yami kicked her in the stomach and she bit the dust again.

"You know what they say," shouted Ryou over the now really loud mus— sound. "'Repetition of music is a form of torture.'"

"Gee, thanks, Ryou!" Yami shouted back, his hands clamped over his ears.

It was an existential moment [for those of you not taking psychology, an existential moment is a moment in which you know you're not longer in control of your fate and all you can do is choose how to react] for Kaiba. In slow motion, he snatched up the "radio," leapt to his feet, and threw it as hard as he could to the ground. He began to jump up and down madly, screaming profanities at the top of his lungs. After about six jumps the sound died completely, but Kaiba continued to jump wildly as everyone watched.

"Um, Kaiba?" Yugi ventured. "You can stop jumping up and down on it now, you know."

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!" screamed Kaiba, who continued to leap up and down on top of the completely smashed little bits of the very dead radio.

"Okay, Kaiba's really lost it now," observed Joey wisely. Everyone nodded.

The excitement of watching Kaiba's breakdown eventually wore off, and Yami reached into his pocket and removed his dueling deck with a sigh. He flipped through it absentmindedly.

Noticing this, Kaiba actually stopped his destruction of the way-past-dead radio and started at Yami's cards. "That's a rather weak bunch of cards your friend has there, Yugi," he sneered, resuming his part as the obnoxious rich guy. "It's no wonder, though, since the only cards your grandfather sells are fit for pre-schoolers."

Yugi gasped in outrage, but Yami put out his hand. "I won't let him insult us like this, Yugi," Yami vowed. "I challenge you to a duel, Kaiba!"

Kaiba grinned cruelly. "I accept, although you really don't deserve to duel me."

Yami raised his eyebrows. "We shall see. If I win, you must promise forever to— "

"Jeez, you stupid males!" interrupted Tea. "You act like Duel Monsters is your life! It's just a game!"

Silence.

"Wha— What did you say?" asked Yugi, his jaw having dropped open a foot. 

"I said it's just a game! You guys act like it's a life or death situation, but it's just some ancient fad. I'm sick of it. Why don't you find a new hobby, like collecting miniature trolls? They're really cute!"

Silence.

"LET'S GET HER!" roared Yami, and everyone else yelled their war cry in response.

"Wait, duel first!" interjected Joey. 

"Yeah, duel each other first, and then we'll sacrifice the mortal to Exodia," added Bakura. Everyone (except Mai, who was tied up, and Tristan, who was asleep) made the sign of the Duel Monster on their chest and looked upward temporarily, as was the courteous custom of their religion. *Sweat drop Tea*

Kaiba and Yami sat Indian style [which reminds me, did I ever tell you about that time in fifth grade when— ] facing each other. They each shuffled their decks and prepared to make the first move. Everyone moved to get a good view, except for Bakura and Mai, who couldn't really move, like at all.

"I play the Celtic Guardian in attack mode," announced Yugi. 

"I counter with the Rude Kaiser," challenged Kaiba.

"Aw, this is boring without seeing the monsters attack each other," complained Joey. "Can't you make a little action here?"

"Well…I guess so," said Yami uncertainly, looking at Kaiba, who smirked.   


"Sure, why not." He snatched the Celtic Guardian out of Yugi's hand and ripped it in half. "That enough action for you?"

Yami and Yugi gasped simultaneously. "NOOOO! MY BABY!" shrieked Yami, snatching the torn card from Kaiba and pressing it to his chest. "I KNOW IT HURTS! MOMMY FEELS IT TOO!"

"HOW COULD YOU?!" demanded Yugi, gently touching his sobbing Yami's shoulder. Kaiba just laughed cruelly. Suddenly, Yugi reached out and snatched Kaiba's hand (of cards). He promptly ripped them up, even as Kaiba lunged forward to get them back.

"HEY! LEAVE MY CARDS ALONE, YOU @*)&$)(^@% JERK!" shrieked Kaiba, swiftly gathering his torn cards back into his arms gently. "I ONLY RIPPED ONE OF YOURS!" He suddenly bent down and snatched up Yugi's deck, but was too slow to get his own as well before Yami snatched it. Cuddling his ripped Celtic Guardian, he slowly and purposefully drew the first card, coincidentally one of Kaiba's prize Blue Eyes White Dragons. Kaiba's eyes grew huge. "Nooo," he breathed. "Leave Monty out of this!"

"Ha ha! You named your dragons, Kaiba?" Joey laughed. "What a loser!"

"Oh, that reminds me! Here's Puff back," said Ryou, reaching into his pocket and handing Joey his Red Eyes Black Dragon card. Joey turned bright red and stuffed it down his shirt quickly.

Yami held up the dragon threateningly. Kaiba quickly shuffled Yugi's deck and pulled out the Dark Magician. Yugi gasped. "Darky!"

"Darky? That's so gay!" Ryou chuckled.

"Shut up, you pansy! I wouldn't talk about stuff being gay if I were you," threatened Yugi. 

"What's that supposed to mean, you toothless midget?" Ryou demanded. Yugi leaped on him and they rolled around the elevator floor, trying to claw each others' eyes out.

"Put down my deck, Kaiba, and I'll put down yours," said Yami dangerously, drawing another Blue Eyes, "or your precious dragons get it."

Kaiba silently mouthed "Kim" and stared in terror at his babies. "Don't hurt them," he sobbed. 

"Gimme the deck," instructed Yami. "GIMME THE DECK!"

Shaking, Kaiba put Yugi's deck on the floor, "Darky" on top, and slid it forward. Yami did likewise with Kim, Monty, and Kaiba's deck. Both duelists quickly grabbed their decks and cradled them close.

"I hate to break up this little scene, but we haven't performed the sacrifice yet!" interjected Bakura loudly and rudely. Everyone looked at Tea and she gulped. She had backed into a free corner and tried to make herself inconspicuous. She hunched down and pressed her back into the corner as everyone approached her. Suddenly, just as Yami was about to begin the ritual, the elevator plummeted downward and everyone was thrown to the floor. As suddenly as it had started, the elevator stopped, then shot upward again, then down again, then up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Shut up, Joey!"

"MONTY!"

"Get off of me!"

"Ouch!"

"Stupid )*@^#!"

And the elevator shot up and down and shook everyone round and round (hey, I'm a poet!)! But is this a change for the good or for the bad?

Author's Note: I'm seeing a poetry project here…how does "The Epic Yu-Gi-Oh! Elevator Adventure" sound? Eh? Eh? Heh heh. Too much of the Odyssey, I suppose. 

Ah, yes. We have thus learned that Kaiba's Blue Eyes White Dragons are named Monty and Kim. But he has three! Whatever is the third to be called? I'm partial to something like Oliver or maybe Ginger…something strange like that. What do you guys think? Put your suggestions in your reviews! *hintREVIEWhint*


	10. Do Not Judge A Man Until You Have Been T...

Author's Note: Yep, I sure am in that movie! Unless they cut me out…grrr…go see it, anyway. Thank you to Sincere Angel, the only one to mention my comment about the soundtrack! Also, I'd like to say that my personal favorite suggestion for the name of Kaiba's third dragon is from Anime*Angel*Fox. Heh, heh. Maybe that'll come in here somewhere and you'll get to find out what it is…

Chapter Ten: Do Not Judge A Man Until You Have Been Trapped With Him And Several Other Psychos

In An Elevator 

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"@#)&%!"

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"MY HEAD!"

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"OOMPH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"JOEY!!"

Everyone stuck inside Kaiba's private elevator was thrown up and down as the elevator plummeted and then raced upward. Heads made contact with the floor and the ceiling, and everyone made contact with each other. (Hence the "JOEY!") The elevator suddenly stopped with a screeching halt, shuddered, and hung still. Its poor occupants bounced against the floor (and each other) and lay still, groaning in pain and fear. 

Bakura, evil spirit of the Millennium Ring, had been freed by Yami's binding spell by the sudden movements of the elevator. He decided to play it cool, however, and not jump up and kill anyone right away, so that he might be able to attack more secretly. He cackled softly to himself and immediately twisted his head towards Kaiba, restarting his if-I-look-at-that-ugly-stupid-@)^$&*-long-enough-he'll-explode mission with enthusiasm.

Yugi's head really hurt, and his stomach felt kind of queasy. He moaned a little, and closed his eyes. _I wonder if this is covered by my insurance,_ he thought. _Even if it's not, I can always sue._ These thoughts made him feel a little better as he pictured himself throwing up Kaiba's money triumphantly and laughing as Kaiba sobbed in the background. 

Yami lay next to Yugi. He didn't move. [Do you think maybe he's dead? At least we can truthfully say he's gone to a better place!]

Joey had landed on his head in a corner, but his big, ugly, poofy, stupid, MAKES YOU WANNA— I mean, his big hair had cushioned his fall. Not one to look on the bright side, Joey opened his mouth to complain when Tristan extended his arms in a stretch and hit him square in the face. "Ow!" Joey yelped, rubbing his face, "What's the big idea, you clumsy oaf?!"

Tristan sat up and glared at Joey. "Who you callin' oaf, you MUTT?"

Joey gasped and tackled Tristan. The two of them grunted as they rolled around on the floor, trying to…well, I'm not really sure what they were trying to do, but it's safe to say it's related to killing each other.

Mai, who had been tied up when the elevator had first dropped, had had a pretty bad time bouncing up and down without being able to move. Fortunately for her, however, she had landed at one time on top of Yami, who was holding onto her nail file after Yugi had thrown it across the elevator when she had been trying to kill Joey. Wasting no time (as she was still in psycho-Mai mode), she managed to slip it out of his pocket with her hands tied behind her back without him noticing. She hunched in a corner as everyone lay recovering from the elevator's spasm, grinning evilly and quietly filing her bonds off her hands.

Ryou had perhaps fared the worst. His left leg had gotten into a strange position while in the air, and he had landed straight on it when the elevator had dropped. Moving it slightly, he winced as he felt pain shoot through his body. Ryou, however, was an optimist [an optimist, for those who don't know, is a person who always looks on the bright side. For example, if a non-optimist had been shipwrecked, all his best friends had died, and he was stranded on a deserted island with no food or water, he might be miserable and give up all hope. An optimist, however, in that same situation, might think "Well, at least I'm back on land, I didn't die, I like bears, and I've always liked the beach!"]

Tea, however, wasn't doing so well. Her nose had been broken earlier, and her face had smashed into one of the walls of the elevator during its little "spasm." She lay quietly with her eyes closed, trying to whisk herself away to her "happy place," the first step of which was to block out all sound and sing her "happy song." "I'm a little teapot…" she started softly, "short and stout— " 

"Jeez, Kaiba," Yami whispered hoarsely, breathing heavily on the floor with his eyes closed. [So he's alive after all. Too bad for him!] "Don't you have some safety cable in this elevator to prevent that kind of thing?"

But Kaiba didn't answer. He alone had gotten up, and was now frantically scrambling about the elevator, picking up his Duel Monsters cards, which had been scattered when the elevator had dropped. He wasn't picking his way carefully over people as he searched for his cards, and nearly lost his balance by avoiding stepping on the wrestling Joey and Tristan. Fortunately for Kaiba, he managed to catch himself when he stepped backward and his foot landed on— 

Tea's face. [Major ouch!]

Everyone in the elevator paused and winced at the audible crunch as Kaiba's foot slammed into Tea's face. Kaiba quickly pulled his foot away and replaced it in a position where he had more stable footing. Tea's eyes were closed, and her nose was completely flattened, now bleeding again. An imprint of a shoe was visible on her face. She was breathing frantically, evidently trying not to cry. She sang her happy song louder now. "Here is my handle, here is my spout!"

Then the laughter started, and Tea got even louder. "WHEN I GET ALL STEAMED UP, I WILL— " She lost it. 

Now she opened her eyes, which were red and bloodshot, and leapt at Kaiba. She extended her claws and bared her fangs and— 

Pulled Kaiba's pants down.

Tea's act revealed Kaiba's "Hello Kitty" underwear in all their splendor. They also revealed a less-flattering secret. 

Kaiba yanked his pants up, blushing furiously, but it was too late. The elevator was in a riot, worse than a minute earlier when Tea's face had gotten smashed by Kaiba's foot. 

"Kaiba wears tighty-whities!" gasped Yugi, who was laughing so hard that tears streamed down his cheeks. Bakura was howling in a corner, and Joey was pounding the floor with his fists.

Kaiba kicked Yugi out of the way to get to his former corner, in which he hunched angrily. Yugi didn't even miss a beat with his heaving laughter.

"Man, am I gonna have some bad dreams tonight!" quipped Yami between chuckles.

Tea lay smiling. She had won. [Or HAD she? Dun dun dun…]

Kaiba directed his attention to his dueling deck. He had picked up all his cards on the floor (Yugi had stuffed his deck in his pocket before the elevator moved) and slowly looked through them, pausing to smile at Monty, his first Blue Eyes, and Kim, his second. However, he couldn't seem to find his third Blue Eyes White Dragon, and he frowned as he flipped faster and faster and still couldn't find his third Blue Eyes, the baby of his little family. His heart pounded wildly in his chest. He looked through his deck frantically, but it just wasn't there.

"Looking for this?"

Kaiba raised his head very, very slowly and met Bakura's eyes. The evil spirit was grinning very, very evilly (what a surprise), and was holding up Kaiba's third Blue Eyes White Dragon card between his middle and index fingers. Pausing in mock interest, Bakura took the card out of his right hand and examined it carefully.

Kaiba froze. "No," he breathed. "Not Seto Jr.! Anyone but him!" he pleaded, his eyes never leaving the card held in Bakura's hand.

"Heh. Heh, heh," laughed Bakura. "Maybe I'll just— RIP IT IN HALF!" he cried, making the motion to tear up…erm…"lil' Seto." [And you thought that was the name of Kaiba's— um, never mind.] 

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked Kaiba, dropping his deck and bringing his scrunched-up hands to his face. "NOT MY BABY! SPARE LIL' SETO!" he sobbed. "I'LL DO ANYTHING!!!"

(Everyone in the elevator was watching in interest. This was the most exciting thing that had happened since Kaiba's tighty-whities had been exposed, and these people were always hungry for a show.)

"Or maybe," taunted Bakura, who was clearly enjoying this, "I'll just— EAT IT!"

Tears were running down Kaiba's face as he held his hands out hopelessly. "NOOOO!" he shrieked again as Bakura held it poised over his mouth. "PLEASE!!"

Bakura cackled again, and Kaiba suddenly hardened. Who did this freak think he was messing with?? He was Seto Kaiba, top duelist in the world, and this was HIS elevator, and he had HIS favorite card. With a loud shout of his war cry, Kaiba dove for Bakura. Bakura quickly moved out of the way and Kaiba smashed head-first into the corner. This didn't seem to phase him, however, because he got right back up and attacked Bakura again. 

"GIMME THE CARD, YOU *&@$)&^!" he screamed, trying to pull Bakura's hair out. 

"GET OFF ME, MORTAL!" screamed Bakura, trying to fight Kaiba away with one hand and hold onto the duelist's prize card with the other. He started to yell as Kaiba began to pound his head into the floor of the elevator. 

"YOU WANT YOUR STUPID CARD?! HERE IT IS!!!" With a dark spell that jolted everyone in the elevator, 

Bakura raised the card high— Kaiba lunged for it— a clap of thunder sounded— 

And poor Seto Jr. burst into flame.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kaiba in one really long note. "SETO JR.!!!" he shrieked. He snatched the burning card from Bakura and patted it wildly with his hand in an attempt to set the fire out. He finally succeeded, but poor lil' Seto was badly burned. Sobbing with rage and pain, 

Kaiba kicked Bakura hard in the stomach and retreated into his corner, snatching up all his precious cards and holding them close. 

Despite how evil Kaiba had always been in the past, Yugi and his friends couldn't help feeling a LITTLE sorry for him [key word: LITTLE, as in SO MINISCULY TINY, IF IT HAD BEEN EVEN ONE UMPTY BAJILLIONITH LESS IT WOULDN'T EVEN BE RECOGNIZABLE BY THE FINEST AND MOST EXPENSIVE MICROSCOPES AVAILABLE!]. Now that that show was over, however, everyone quickly got bored and waiting for something interesting.

[Hmmm…how long did they have to wait? Want to place some bets? Do I hear one second? Two? Do I have two seconds?]

Joey and Tristan had resumed…erm…wrestling? each other, and were doing it rather loudly and obnoxiously. 

"Um…" Yami said hesitantly. "You know, guys, that kind of makes it look like you're, you know…gay."

Joey and Tristan immediately scrambled apart and made barfing noises. "Jeez, even if I was gay, he'd be my LAST choice!" spat Joey, wiping his clothes off frantically. 

"I am totally not gay!" Tristan protested. He grinned. "Just ask Serenity," he added smugly.

Joey turned around to face Tristan, who gulped and backed away. "What did you just say about my sister?" asked Joey in a dangerously quiet tone.

"Um, nothing," Tristan said quickly. 

"I'M GONNA PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT!" roared Joey, grabbing Tristan by the collar and shaking him as Tristan whimpered pitifully. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LITTLE SISTER, YOU HEAR ME?!"

Fortunately for Tristan, this little escapade was suddenly interrupted when Ryou gasped and said, "Look!"

Everyone paused, Joey from bashing Tristan's skull in and everyone else from watching Joey bash Tristan's skull in to follow Ryou's pointing finger. It was pointing up, toward the ceiling…and the escape hatch!

Everyone (except Kaiba, who was in major-sulk mode, and Mai, who was filing her bonds frantically) gasped, and scrambled to get up and stand under the beautiful opening.

"I can't believe we forgot about that," Yami breathed. 

"It's so beautiful," whispered Ryou.

"We can't use that, remember, guys?" put out Tristan. "The opening's too small."

"Maybe for you, fatso," barked Joey, shoving Tristan into a corner. Tristan's lower lip trembled.

"Still, just to be safe, we'd better get someone small to go through there," spoke Tea.

"Hmm, a good point," added Yami. "Someone skinny."

"Someone short," put in Joey.

"Someone missing a tooth," proclaimed Tea.

Yugi gulped as the tall people surrounded him and smiled down at him all-too-innocently.

"Someone like Yugi!" concluded Bakura, and the tall people all grabbed the poor little guy at once.

"Yeah, thanks for volunteering, pal!" added Joey as they lifted him up toward the opening.

"Wait, wait!" squealed Yugi. "WAIT!"

[Wait? WAIT? ISN'T WHAT THEY HAD BEEN DOING FOR SIX HOURS INSIDE A HOT, STUFFY, CRAMPED, DANGEROUS ELEVATOR?!]

They shoved Yugi against the top of the elevator, and the boy tried to stick his head out through the escape hatch opening. Unfortunately, there was a problem.

"Guys, my hair won't fit," complained Yugi.

"Try harder!" grunted Tea under the strain of Yugi's weight on her arms.

"It doesn't fit!" Yugi squealed. 

"WE'LL MAKE IT FIT!" roared Yami, and Yugi was roughly shoved through the opening.

Unfortunately for Yugi, "making it fit" did not bode well with his hair, and his wig [gasp!] popped off as he made it through the opening. He uttered a high squeal and tried to put it back on. Luckily for Yugi, no one below had seen it come off. 

"Yugi, are you all right?" asked Yami from below. "I'm coming up next!"

"NO!" Yugi shrieked, trying to fix his wig, which was nearly dead from the elevator's events. He couldn't bear to let Yami see that his hair was a wig, although he already knew about his bangs.

While everyone's attention was fixed on the escape hatch, Mai succeeded in cutting her final bond with her nail file. She quietly shook off the pieces of Kaiba's coat, and, with a screechy war cry, leaped onto Joey with her nail file raised high in attack position. Joey screamed like Tristan (a.k.a. a little girl) and Ryou and Yami again tried to restrain the mad woman. Yugi sat on top of the elevator, frantically trying to secure his wig to his head and wishing he had brought his little compact mirror with him. Kaiba sat in his corner, his face buried, trying to figure out how much this incident was going to cost him in therapy.

…And the elevator didn't move! (Because I know you all missed that line so much. I did too!)


	11. The Good, The Bad, and The Stuck In An E...

Author's Note: A big sorry to everyone for not getting a chapter up last week, but my computer had a virus and I was stuck doing a huge project assigned Friday, due Monday with the worst partner in the world. I mean, WORST. But anyway, here we go with another fun-filled chapter! Also, I'm contemplating another Yu-Gi-Oh comedy, so be on the lookout…

Chapter Eleven: The Good, The Bad, and The Stuck In An Elevator

"HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Mai as she wrestled Joey into a headlock and slammed his skull against the elevator floor repeatedly. "DIE, FOOL!" She held the sharp point of her nail file [and you didn't believe them when they told you nail files were really weapons!] against Joey's throat and dragged him into a corner, the way a large and dangerous animal will drag its prey into its territory and defend it with its life. She growled fiercely and bared her teeth at Ryou and Yami, who approached her very, very slowly, hands help up in a gesture of peace.

"Let go of Joey, Mai," coaxed Yami, slowly lowering himself to his knees as he got closer. "Give me the nail file, Mai," he pleaded, slowly extending his right arm to take the nail file from the madwoman. Mai growled as he got closer, the way a big dog does when he or she has something that you want that he or she is not willing to give back, they way they do right before they attack, which is very obvious to anyone who has ever had a dog. 

Unfortunately, Yami had never had a dog. He stupidly continued to extend his hand as Joey whimpered in the headlock. Mai squeezed her arm tighter around Joey's neck and Yami's arm continued to inch forward, and forward, and…

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" howled Yami, tearing his arm to his chest and throwing himself backward with from the force. [Backward into Bakura, in case you were wondering.]

"Hey, watch it, Pharaoh!" snapped Bakura, quickly shoving Yami back onto the floor. Yami sat up and glared ferociously at Mai, who glared ferociously back. "Jeez, woman! You nearly took my arm off!" he wheezed, his eyes wild as he shakily showed his arm to everyone in the elevator. A terrible red bite mark throbbed on his skin. Everyone winced, secretly laughing inside, glad that they were safe.

"Hey, you think that maybe on full moons you'll turn into a were-Mai?" inquired Tristan interestedly.

Ryou took one look at Yami's bite mark and abandoned the mission. "Sorry, Joey," he apologized, quickly fleeing away from Mai to the other side of the elevator.

Joey gasped and Mai began to laugh evilly. She had a really good evil laugh too, complete with throwing her head back and really heaving her shoulders. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" she crowed, pressing her nail file closer to Joey's throat when she suddenly froze.

Everyone in the elevator had been watching this little escapade with growing interest, apart from Yami, who was grumbling about his bite getting infected, and Kaiba, who was currently enjoying his favorite yoga position. Joey HAD been pretty annoying, and here was the perfect way to get rid of him without getting any blame! Mai's sudden stop, however, had signaled that something was definitely wrong.

Mai didn't move a muscle; her eyes bulged and she held her breath. Suddenly, she whirled around (dragging Joey with her) and wildly eyed the walls of the elevator. She dropped her nail file and shoved Joey's face into the floor as she continued to turn around, now breathing extremely heavily.

Joey quickly crawled away to the other side of the elevator, whimpering like a puppy.

Mai did not stop turning around, glaring at the walls in fear. "Stop laughing at me!" she demanded from the wall. "Stop laughing at me, I say!" She began to pound the wall with her fists. With her back to the remainder of the (semi-)sane, the large rip in the seat of her skirt was extremely visible. Tristan let out a little giggle, and, a second later, Mai held him by the neck, bashing _him_ against the wall as she continued to scream at the wall to stop laughing at her.

She finally dropped Tristan and focused all her attention on the wall. "YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?! WELL, IT'S NOT! STOP LAUGHING AT ME! STOP LAUGHING AT MEEEEEE!!!" She began to bash her own head against the wall until she knocked herself out and fell on top of Tristan.

Nobody said anything. [I mean, jeez, what are you supposed to say after this kind of thing happens? "Curiosity killed the cat"? "What time is it"? "I find your lack of pants disturbing"? I mean, _jeez_.] 

"Hmm," Yami said finally, summing it up pretty well. Everyone nodded.

Nobody really had anything to say after that, so nobody said anything. [Of course, having nothing to say had never stopped anyone from saying anything before, so why should it now?] Yami continued to examine his bite grumpily, and Joey lay panting heavily in the corner farthest from Mai, who was still knocked out on top of Tristan, who was also unconscious.

Yami turned to show and complain to Yugi about his bite, but Yugi didn't seem to be sitting next to him, as he usually did. Puzzled, [Get it? Yami's spirit of the Millennium _Puzzle_? Puzzled, confused? Get it? Ha ha ha ha! I crack myself up!] Yami looked all around the elevator before remembering that Yugi had gone through the escape hatch at the top of the elevator. 

Cursing under his breath, Yami quickly stood and squinted up through the dark opening of the escape hatch. Catching on to what Yami had remembered, Tea, Ryou, and Bakura also stood to glance up through the hatch. "I can't believe we forgot about him," whispered Tea, and Ryou nodded grimly. 

"Yugi? Yugi, are you okay up there?" called Yami hesitantly. "Yugi?"

"Just a moment!" squealed Yugi from on top of the elevator. He had been thankful that everyone had been distracted from him for a few moments, as he had used the time to replace and secure his wig, which had come off when he had been shoved through the small escape hatch. It was almost back on properly, and Yugi knew Yami would die if he saw Yugi without any hair. He put on the finishing touches, which was pretty hard in the pitch black darkness, and sighed heavily in relief.

"Yugi!" Yami called again from inside the elevator. "I'm coming up!" Motioning for Ryou and Bakura to give him a boost, Yami quickly pulled his hair in, they way you gather an umbrella when you're trying to put it away. As he was lifted toward the ceiling, he easily managed to put his head through the escape hatch without messing up his hair. Blinking in the darkness, he managed to pull himself up and sit on the top of the elevator. 

"Yugi?" he called, extending his arm (the one without the lethal Mai-bite). 

"Right here!" Yugi answered, grabbing onto Yami's arm. Yugi helped Yami to stand on top of the elevator, supporting himself by holding onto the elevator cables. 

His eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness, Yami examined the elevator cables. "Everything seems all right up here," he noted, "but something could be jamming the cables under the elevator."

Yugi nodded. "So what do you think we should do to un-jam it?" 

"Hey, what's going on up there?" demanded Bakura from inside the elevator. "We don't have all day! Stop wasting time!"

"We're doing the best we can," Yami snapped in reply. "Make yourself comfortable, grave robber."

Bakura snorted and plopped back on the floor of the elevator. "With _him _on the job, we might as well give up now," he complained. "The pharaoh isn't used to getting his hands dirty." He suddenly paused, as in thought. "Hey," he said suddenly, eyeing Ryou suspiciously. "You didn't get new hair and contacts to look like me, did you?" he demanded.

Ryou snorted. "You think I'd look like you because I wanted to?" he asked.

"Heck no!" put in Joey, who had finally regained enough of his courage to start talking like the idiot he was again. 

"Shut up, or I'll wake up Mai," Tea threatened. 

Joey shut up. [But we all know THAT won't last for long!]

Silence resumed in the elevator as everyone rested his or her eyes. It was actually peaceful [Gasp! No!] in the elevator, and Ryou and Tea started to drift off to sleep…

Suddenly, Bakura started to laugh. It wasn't an evil laugh, more of an insane laugh, really. Actually, it was really more…could it be…happy??

Everyone conscious in the elevator (except Kaiba) turned to stare at Bakura, who was now laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face from his closed eyes. He was clutching his stomach and was actually smiling. 

Ryou edged away from Bakura. "I'm scared," he whispered. "I think he's lost it." [Sorry, wrong answer, Ryou dear. Bakura has definitely been insane since the story began!]

Bakura continued to laugh. "Hey, stop tickling my foot," he managed to gasp between giggles.

Tea and Ryou exchanged glances. 

"Um…I'm not tickling your foot, Bakura," Ryou said quietly as Bakura continued to laugh.

"Ha ha, just stop it," Bakura said, his eyes still closed. "It's getting kind of old now."

"I said, I'm not tickling your foot!" Ryou said in a strained voice, edging farther away from Bakura.

Bakura slowly opened his eye and glanced down at his right foot. He was wearing shoes, although he had thought that Ryou had taken one off to tickle his foot. Looking up slowly, he could clearly see Ryou, Tea, and every other conscious person in the elevator far away from him, out of reach of his foot, yet it still tickled, though he wasn't laughing anymore. He whimpered and slowly pushed his shoe off with his other foot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Bakura, who began to shake his foot wildly as soon as he saw the spider on it. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Tea and Ryou simultaneously from across the elevator.

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!" Bakura shrieked, jerking his foot frantically in attempt to remove the spider. He finally succeeded in flinging the spider into the air, where it stayed in slow motion for several seconds— 

[Remember that little science lesson we had earlier about "what goes up must go down"? Two words, baby: oooohhh, yeah.]

— before it landed directly on top of Kaiba's head.

Kaiba had been doing some serious meditating, and hadn't heard the screams of his fellow elevator prisoners because he had learned to block out all other sounds and noises when clearing the mind for meditation. However, not even yoga could block out the feeling of something crawling on your head. He opened his eyes very, very wide, bringing his meditation to a very sudden stop. His very, very wide eyes met the very, very wide eyes of Tea and Ryou, whose mouths were open in horror. In the same way that Yugi had discovered his missing tooth, Kaiba slowly put his hand to his head…and felt the spider.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shrieked Kaiba, who frantically got up and jumped up and down, shaking his head like his hair was on fire. He ran around the elevator (not very far, obviously), stepping on everyone in his way, trying to get whatever he had felt off his head. He finally stopped and slammed his head against the elevator, much in the same way that Mai had done earlier. After about five minutes of doing this, he hyperventilated and also knocked himself out and fell backward onto the floor.

"Must be something in the water," offered Ryou. Tea and Joey nodded.

But everyone shut up when they saw the spider, which had evidently survived its little exercise with Kaiba. It calmly crawled off of Kaiba and over towards Tristan and Mai.

Back on top of the elevator, Yugi and Yami were debating over how make the elevator move. Despite the incredible loudness of screams from the elevator, they had figured nothing especially serious had happened, and had therefore decided not to check it out.

Remember the stuck-in-elevator I.Q. drop? It was particularly evident in Yami. As a spirit, he was used to being stuck inside his Millennium Puzzle, but that was nothing compared to being trapped in an elevator. At least he was alone in his Puzzle. Actually, he was probably one of the most desperate detainees. 

This was kinda obvious, as you'll soon see.

"Hey," Yami suddenly suggested. "Why don't we jump up and down on the top of this to kind of un-jam the elevator?"

["Hey, Yugi. Why don't we also light couple sticks of dynamite for some light? It's kind of dark up here!"

"Okay! Let's also try and chew through these cables with our teeth so the elevator plummets to the bottom!"]

"Uh…I don't know, Yami," Yugi said doubtfully. "That seems kinda dangerous." [You think?]

"That wasn't a request!" snapped Yami, and Yugi gulped. Yami began to jump, and Yugi hesitantly followed suit.

Meanwhile, back inside the elevator, Joey, Tea, and Ryou were absorbed in watching the spider begin to climb on Mai, over to her face. They didn't really notice the sound of Yami and Yugi jumping on top of the elevator. Bakura, definitely scarred for life, sat huddled in his corner.

…And the elevator didn't move! [But will it stay that way for long? Heh heh heh…]


	12. It Was The…Well, It Certainly Wasn’t The...

Author's Note: A big ME TOO to High Crystal Guardian, who professed a fear for spiders. I HATE spiders, along with cockroaches, bees/wasps/hornets, ants, and having someone knock on the door when I'm in the shower. It's like, I'm in the shower, can it possibly wait TWO MINUTES until I get out? That bothers the heck out of me. It's even worse when you have to get out of the shower, turn the water off (and you can never get it back to just the right temperature), and press your head against the door to try and hear them, and then the person knocking says something like "Someone in there?" or "I like cheese!" or something equally useless and time-wasting. *Breathes* 

Ah, yes: I believe that there will be two chapters after this one…

Chapter Twelve: It Was The…(Well, It Certainly Wasn't The Best Of Times), It Was The Worst Of Times

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The seconds dragged on inside KaibaCorp's "top-of-the-line" elevator. Everyone had been trapped inside the elevator for nearly eight hours, and it was really starting to show on the faces of Joey, Tea, and Ryou (the current conscious and semi-sane ones inside the elevator). They lounged against the elevator walls, eyes opened halfway, rubbing their sore noses, heads, legs, and other body parts as the seconds tore at their brains. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. 

TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK. TICK. TOCK.

"@#$(!*& it, Tristan, shut up that stupid watch!" snapped Tea. Tristan's amazing(ly stupid) watch had been tick/tock-ing the seconds away in the loudest, most obnoxious way possible for every second of the near eight hours. Tea was trying to return to her happy place, but she couldn't sing her happy song with that LOUD, OBNOXIOUS TICKING ECHOING THROUGHOUT THE _&@^$@$ ELEVATOR!

Just thinking about the sound enraged Tea. She had just had the worst day of her life: being stuck in an elevator, a broken nose, missing her shows, "As Told By Ginger" and "The Powerpuff Girls" (she idolized Blossom), and now this TERRIBLE TICKING OF DOOM! 

[Most of you probably don't think that eight hours is a long enough time to drastically change someone, but, then again, most of you probably haven't been stuck in an elevator for eight hours. (Also, most of you probably don't idolize Blossom from "The Powerpuff Girls." I hope.) So, in Tea's case, this wasn't really surprising.]

The _old_ Tea would have tried to tune out the TICK TOCK TICK TOCKTICKTOCKTICKTOCK-ing, but the old Tea was dead. However, the New and Improved Tea got up, walked over to Tristan (who had been lying unconscious underneath the unconscious Mai since he had giggled when she was having her…um…nervous breakdown?), and raised her foot to stomp his forsaken watch into the next chapter. Unfortunately, Tea was not very good at aiming her foot. 

Instead of slamming down on Tristan's loud and annoying watch, she slammed her foot down on…Tristan's head. 

And broke some of it off.

"AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!" shrieked Tea, jumping backwards away from Tristan, who was still lying on the floor, and the piece of his head(?) that was no longer attached to…well, the rest of his head. It was a large brown chunk of, Tea noticed after staring at it in horror for a few seconds, what was his "hair," not his head. Ryou and Joey, sitting at the opposite end of the elevator, only watched in interest. 

"I _knew_ it," whispered Joey, storing this information in his head for later sharing with Serenity.

"My word," said Ryou, amazed. "Do you think it's a Styrofoam wig or something?"

"Naw," replied Tea dubiously, who had recovered somewhat. "Who would get a wig like _that_?"

"Hmm, good point," Ryou agreed.

"Actually, it's a fungus," Tristan suddenly offered, now apparently conscious again.

"AAAAAGGGGHHH!" shrieked Tea, startled, suddenly lashing out with her foot and kicking Tristan in the face (As a reflex, of course. Right? It _was_ a reflex, wasn't it?).

"UMPH!" Tristan said, biting the dust again. Joey turned and began to pound the floor of the elevator in silent laughter. Ryou raised an eyebrow and edged away from Joey. [Smart move.]

Tea bit her lip worriedly. "Uh, Tristan?" she asked hesitantly, bending over the prone boy. 

Tristan raised his head and smiled jauntily. "I'm fine, don't worry about me. Anyway, it's a fungus."

Tea, Ryou, and Joey stared at him blankly. "What is?" Ryou inquired.

"My hair. It's not really hair, it's just a fungus that grows on the top of my head. See, I can't grow hair naturally, but if I don't bathe, I can grow this great fungus on top of my head! It even looks real!" Tristan bragged, gently smoothing his ha— um, fungus. 

Everyone only stared at him, then at the piece of h— fungus on the floor. "See, I can just grow some more to cover up the part you broke off, so don't feel bad or anything, Tea," he said, smiling up at Tea.

Tea went back to the other side of the elevator and sat. She put her head down and went back to her happy place.

Tristan shrugged, a smile still on his face. "Some people are just, weird," he said.

[I'm sure that Joey and Ryou would have responded if they hadn't been completely absorbed in this, like, totally fascinating mark on the ceiling.]

During this whole little "adventure," Bakura, who had been quietly recovering from an extremely traumatizing incident with a spider, had taken a piece of white chalk from his pocket and was drawing a line enclosing himself in his corner. Joey caught sight of this immediately (after just, TEARING his eyes away from the fabulous ceiling) and just had to open his big, ugly, stupid, fat mouth.

"Hey Bakura, whatcha doin?" Joey asked. [Big surprise.]

Bakura looked up, startled, eyes wide open. "Who said that?" he demanded, looking around wildly. 

"Uh, I did," said Joey, confused. [Course, it's not that hard to confuse someone like Joey.] "I think." 

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" shrieked Bakura, huddling into his corner. "STAY BACK, I TELL YOU!"

"I don't know about you, but this is starting to remind me of Mai," whispered Joey through clenched teeth. Tristan whimpered and hid his head. Of course, this was not an easy task for Tristan because of his large ha— FUNGUS, that is.

"What's the matter, Bakura?" asked Ryou concernedly. He moved closer to his Yami, but Bakura flailed his arms "threateningly." He closed his eyes and patted the air around him, the way mimes do when they're indicating an invisible box.

[You know what? A lot of people really hate mimes. I did, too, until I read this one book. I can't remember what it was called, but there was a mime in it, and she was cool. It really changed my whole outlook on mimes. Why do people hate them so much, anyway? Maybe they don't speak because they really can't. Like in fifth grade, I did this book report and in the book was a kid who was mute. He was in charge of this famous horse, which was really what the book was about, but that's not the point. I didn't really want to do that book in the first place, I wanted to do this other one about a famous dog, but my loser teacher wouldn't let me just because she was a witch. We actually called her "The Witch," but not to her face, anyway. She always assigned the worst…um…moving right along…]

"I'm in a bubble," Bakura was telling himself. "Nothing can touch me in here." He breathed deeply and smiled to himself. 

"Hey Bakura!"

Bakura whirled around just in time for Joey to tap him on the nose. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Bakura, throwing himself as far into the corner as humanly (or…eh, spiritually, I guess, since he's not really a person) possible. 

Joey fell backward laughing hysterically. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" Joey crowed.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" sobbed Bakura. 

"Aw, what's wrong?" asked Ryou concernedly, stepping forward.

"I don't wanna talk about it!" cried Bakura, turning his face into the corner.

"Why are you always pushing me away?" demanded Ryou.

"I'm not pushing you away!"

"Yes you are!"

"Just leave me alone!"

"Look! You just did it!"

"I did not!"

"You did too! You JUST did it!"

"Did not!"

"You so did!"

"Let's talk about this later!"

"I wanna talk about it right now!"

"Shut up," Tea complained. She was lying against the elevator with her eyes closed, trying to go to sleep, but the arguing was driving her crazy.

"Why do you always wanna talk about it?"

"Why do you never wanna talk about it?"

"Stop turning the conversation around!"

"I'm not turning the conversation around!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Shut up!" Tea reiterated, pulling her arms over her ears in a futile attempt to block out the noise. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!"

"So everything is my fault? Is that what you're saying?"

"I didn't say that!"

"But you implied it!"

"Stop twisting my words around!"

"I'm not— "

WHAM. The argument stopped as a brown unidentified flying object collided with Bakura's head. [No, it's not a phone this time. Sorry.] Looking down slowly, Bakura saw the object lying on the floor. It was like a piece of wood, only the color was so familiar…but it couldn't be…

It just couldn't be a piece of Tristan's head!

"Hey, that's MY fungus you're throwing around!" complained Tristan angrily from across the elevator. "I don't really appreciate that, Tea."

"Ewww!" squealed Bakura, kicking the fungus away from him. "YOU THREW HAIR FUNGUS AT ME?!"

"It wasn't me! I was just sitting here!"

"YOU DON'T GO AROUND THROWING FUNGUS AT ANYONE! IT'S OVER!" Bakura turned around and faced his corner furiously.

Ryou burst into tears as Tristan angrily snatched his piece of…fungus. Tea laughed evilly to herself. [But you know what they say about evil things happening to evil people. What is it, "what comes around goes around?" Ooh, the intrigue!]

As the party continues inside the elevator, let's return to Yugi and Yami, who were, when we last left them in the previous chapter, standing on top of the elevator. Yami had suggested that they jump up and down to help the elevator move, although Yugi wasn't too keen on the idea. Yami, however, had been very…um…persuading…

"Yami!" Yugi pleaded, out of breath. "Can…we…take…a break? I'm…really tired!" he gasped between jumps.

"Shut up, you whiner, and jump faster!" ordered Yami sharply. He jumped in a steady rhythm, never missing a beat, while Yugi jumped slower and less frequently.

"But…nothing's happening. Nothing's…happened for…twenty minutes…this isn't working," Yugi breathed.

"You aren't going to get anywhere with that kind of negative attitude!" snapped Yami. "More jumping, less talking!"

Yugi whimpered, but tried to jump faster.

[Now, one might ask, why on earth would a sensible person (or spirit, I guess, if you really want to be politically correct) like Yami insist upon jumping up and down for twenty minutes to try and move an elevator that obviously wasn't moving? That's a pretty good question. The answer, of course, would be the Social Learning Theory, which clearly states that children quickly learn behavior from television.

What? That doesn't make sense? Well who asked YOU for an opinion? Be quiet, you whiner! Less complaining, more reading!]

As Yami and Yugi jumped up and were falling back down, they noticed that it took an extended amount of time for them to again hit the elevator. "We're doing it, Yugi!" said Yami excitedly. "We're moving the elevator! Let's jump again!"

["Let's set ourselves on fire and jump into a pool filled with gasoline!"]

Suddenly, whatever had been jamming the elevator became un-jammed (or something like that). When Yugi and Yami hit the top of the elevator again, it went down. Pretty far down, actually. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Yami, Yugi, Tristan, Tea, Joey, Bakura, Ryou, Kaiba, and Mai (who had evidently woken up). The elevator plunged down the cable at breakneck speed, causing everyone to nearly hit the ceiling as they hung on to whatever they could grab. 

Finally, with no more cable to burn through, the elevator crashed into what was evidently the floor. Everyone was thrown to the bottom of the elevator on top of each other; Yami and Yugi hit the top of the elevator with a loud crash.

Everyone was silent for a minute, wondering if they had died in the crash. Finally, Kaiba (being such the gentleman he is) shoved aside Tea, who had ended up on top of him ("Hey!") and made his way to stand under the escape hatch. He managed to pull himself up enough to stick his head out and peer around the elevator shaft.

Finally, it dawned on everyone at about that moment, this being the first thing that came to their minds, that the elevator had crashed into the floor. They were on the floor. They were on the floor!

In a mad rush, everyone scrambled to get out of the escape hatch, despite the fact that three-fourths of Kaiba's body was still hanging out of it. "Hey!" Kaiba yelped, kicking out with his legs as everyone pushed, pull, and shoved his lower in an attempt to get out. "Lemme get out! Stop!" People began to scratch, kick, and bite each other (and Kaiba) in an attempt to get out of the escape hatch as Kaiba struggled to get himself out. 

…And the elevator didn't move! (…because it was smashed into the bottom of the elevator shaft, that is, but who really cares about all those little details?)


	13. There Is Nothing To Fear Except The Elev...

Author's Note: I don't mean to be rude, but I just wanted to let you know that I have had this story planned out since, oh, say, chapter eight. If I use something you have suggested without giving you credit, it is probably because I thought of it myself or got the idea from somewhere other than reviews. I know this sounds kind of stuck-up, but I just wanted to let you know that I will be sure to give you awesome people credit for your suggestions (i.e. the name of Kaiba's third dragon). And…yeah.

Chapter Thirteen: There Is Nothing To Fear Except The Elevator Itself

"YEEEOOWW!" Kaiba yelped as he felt a sharp pain shoot through his ankle. "MY LEG!" Mai, below, inside the elevator, had attached herself to Kaiba's ankle with her teeth. Mai, who had woken up in the elevator crash, had, as we have previously established, lost her mind, and was now hanging onto Kaiba solely by her teeth. Kaiba thrashed uselessly as she clung on, sinking her teeth deeper into his skin.

"Get out of the way, Kaiba!" grunted Joey, who was trying to pull Kaiba into the elevator at the same time Bakura, who had temporarily recovered from his personality disorder, was trying to push him out.

"Ouch!" complained Tristan as Kaiba's foot whacked him in the back of the head as Kaiba whipped around his legs in an attempt to get Mai off of him. He had gotten his arms out of the elevator, and was attempting to pull himself out, but was constantly being delayed as Joey continued to pull down. At the same time, he was spinning around in a circle as he tried to get Mai off of his ankle. 

Yami, who had been lying unconscious on top of the elevator since the crash, woke up, blinking unsteadily. He opened his eyes and sat up, and the first thing he saw was Kaiba's upper body sticking out of the escape hatch, twirling around, like he was caught in a toilet being flushed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" screamed Yami, recoiling in horror. At that exact moment, Kaiba, who had not known that anyone else was on top of the elevator, stopped spinning and met Yami's eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" screamed Kaiba, who immediately lost his control over his upper body and fell back into the elevator.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone in the elevator as Kaiba landed on top of them. The moment of panic, however, didn't last long, as Kaiba's body was soon overtaken by the others in a mad scramble to get out[, like the part in The Mummy where someone trips when they're running out of the tomb and is immediately consumed by those creepy little scarab things. Those things are just wrong. I mean, do you remember the part where one comes alive and goes under the guy's skin? That scarred me for life, let me tell you. When we went to see the sequel, there were two other people in the theater, and one of them was talking really loudly, so I had to go, "SHHHHH!" really obnoxiously. He shut up, at least.]. 

In the meantime, on top of the elevator, Yami quickly grabbed Yugi, whom he could see faintly in the dim light of the elevator shaft. "Yugi! Yugi, wake up!" he hissed. 

Yugi blinked sleepily. "Huh? What is it?" he asked, rubbing his eyes and gingerly touching his head.

"We have to hurry, Yugi," Yami whispered urgently. "Get up and do as I do."

"Yami, I don't wanna get up. My head really hurts," Yugi whined, sniffing back some tears. 

"Shut up and get up!" snapped Yami, who roughly helped the poor little guy to his feet. He dragged Yugi to the center of the elevator roof, to which a cable was attached. The cable extended up into the darkness. "Now, here's what we're gonna do," said Yami, patting the cable. "I'm gonna climb up this, and you're gonna climb up after me. Got it?"

["I'm gonna play keep-away with a grizzly bear cub and its angry mother while you cover yourself in meat and get some hungry lions to chase you!"]

"But, um, Yami," Yugi started, then gave up. "Okay." 

Yami bent his knees and prepared to jump up so he could start climbing as high on the cable as possible. Unfortunately, just as he was about to jump, something leaped from the escape hatch and knocked him into the wall.

"Get offa me!" Yami spat, pushing the jumper rudely off of him. 

"No, you get offa ME!" retorted Bakura, who was obviously the one who had jumped. He quickly stood and brushed himself off.

"Ooh, good comeback," Yami mocked.

"Are you mockin' me, pharaoh?" demanded Bakura, putting his hands on his hips. [Uh oh, guys, Bakura's hands are on his hips! He must be, like, really mad! Watch out!]

"So what if I am, eh?" replied Yami angrily, crossing his arms. [Oh no, another bad signal.]

"Okay, let's go! You and me, right here, right now!" demanded Bakura.

"You're on!" snarled Yami in reply. [There's only one thing _that_ can mean. I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but oh well. That's the way the cookie crumbles, I suppose.]

Bakura stuck out his right hand, as did Yami, and it began. Yugi huddled in a corner, whimpering with fear. Something that had not happened for a millennia. Something so horrible, so frightening, that it blew away a duel to "save the world" or whatever. The two spirits of Millennium Items raised their voices in the sacred chants that always came before this event.

"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!" shouted Yami and Bakura as they began the incantation. 

Meanwhile, a similar war was taking place inside the elevator as everyone tried to get out at once. Kaiba was now at the bottom of the pile, although he was doing everything he could to get back on top. Currently on top was Joey, who was being held back by Tea, who was fending off Mai, who was being avoided by Tristan, who, like Ryou, was trying to remain uninvolved. 

Two words, my friends: utter chaos.

Finally, after ten minutes (or maybe more; I guess we'll never know, since Tristan wasn't timing it), Ryou pulled himself out of the mess and yelled, "STOP!"

And everyone stopped and listened to him in a civilized fashion, and got along and said sorry and please and thank you and they all got out of the elevator and stayed friends for the rest of their lives. 

[Ha! Ha ha! Hahahaha! Yeah, right!]

As no one had stopped, Ryou tried to shout over the madness. "Listen, everyone! If we just do this one at a time, we'll all be able to get out!"

"Sounds— reasonable," grunted Tea as she elbowed Joey in the stomach. "I'll go first!"

"No, I will!" countered Joey, jabbing Tea in the eyes. 

Mai just grunted and kicked both Tea and Joey to the ground before managing to scramble out of the elevator, followed by Kaiba, who had cleverly been waiting for Mai to make her move before he made his. Joey was next, followed by an angry Tea.

"I guess it's just you and me," said Tristan amiably to Ryou when they were the only ones left in the elevator.

"Yep. It sure is," Ryou agreed. 

"Yep," Tristan said again, looking away and putting his hands in his pockets. Ryou whistled and rolled on his heels.

"Uh-huh."

"Mmm-hmmm."

…

"It's mine!" Ryou screeched, clawing at Tristan's face as the two lunged for the hatch at the same second. 

"You wish!" responded Tristan, trying to kick Ryou but instead, due to his stupidity beyond reason and his inability to recognize his own body parts, kicked himself in the knee. 

"WAAAHHHH!" sobbed Tristan from the elevator floor as Ryou climbed out, satisfied. 

By now, as everyone [okay, not Tristan, but does he really count? I mean, come on. Who really cares about Tristan? He's just a useless character! Plus, he's really dumb. Can we just leave him? Can I say "everyone"? Please?? What? No? You guys are mean!], EXCEPT FOR TRISTAN [are you happy??], had noticed that they were not, as previously thought, on the floor. There were no doors surrounding the elevator or close to the top of the elevator. No doors equals no way out.

"What's the deal, Kaiba?" demanded Joey. "Where are the doors? WHERE CAN WE GET OUTTA HERE?!"

"We're in the basement, you stupid mutt!" spat Kaiba. "We'll have to climb out by ourselves."

"Jeez, you sure got a lotta nerve, Kaiba," Joey complained. "First you get us stuck in your elevator, then you make your elevator crash, and then you expect us to climb out of your stupid elevator shaft by your stupid elevator cable?"

Kaiba shoved Joey backwards. Joey waved his arms to try to regain his balance, then fell right through the escape hatch just as Tristan was struggling out. Everyone clapped politely, and Kaiba took a little bow. [Aww, isn't that sweet? They're finally coming together!]

"Well," began Ryou, eying the cable, "I guess we better start climbing."

"NO! NO! THIS IS OUR WAY! YOU HAVE TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO GET OUT!" squealed Yami, pushing aside Tea to get to the cable, around which he wrapped his arm securely. "STAY AWAY! C'MON, YUGI!" Yami jumped up and attempted to shimmy up the cable as everyone watched below. Unfortunately for Yami, the cable was coated with grease, and he quickly slid down, despite his best efforts to move upward. "It's okay, Yugi!" he cried as he landed back on the top of the elevator, "I'll use my teeth! Yeah, that'll work!" Yami jumped up and attempted to climb the cable with his teeth.

"I think I'll take the ladder," said Kaiba, who turned toward the wall and began to climb what was obviously an escape ladder. Everyone stared at him with jaws wide open as he began to climb. 

"There was an escape ladder next to the elevator," Bakura began.

"This whole time," Tea continued.

"And you didn't," Ryou added.

"DDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Mai, leaping up and grabbing Kaiba around the waist. Kaiba screamed and tried to get her off, but she quickly climbed over him and scurried up the ladder through the darkness. 

Everyone quickly scrambled to get on the ladder in a manner that resembled the exiting of the elevator. Tea ended up last, except for Joey, and then Tristan, who had to fight over who climbed through the escape hatch first.

Yami was still trying to climb the elevator cable with his teeth. [Go figure.]

In fact, the whole "climbing out of the elevator" scene strongly resembled one of those shows where those big, ugly wrestler-type guys all try and climb a rope and get to the top first, where they ring a bell and stuff, but they have to go through fire and hot oil first, you know, only there was only one ladder instead of a bunch of ropes, unless you count Yami and the elevator cable.

Actually, to the surprise of just about everyone, climbing the ladder was going rather smoothly. No one rushed anyone (what a joke) and they were actually moving upward. A door wasn't visible yet, but everyone had hope that they were finally going to get out. 

[Ha! What a bunch of idiots!]

Suddenly, a piece of the ladder attached to the wall of the shaft twisted and groaned as it sank downward. Joey, who happened to be climbing that piece of ladder, yelped and jumped onto the closest thing possible— Tea's legs.

"Hey!" Tea screeched as Joey clung to her legs. The piece of ladder he had been climbing on seconds earlier plummeted to the bottom of the shaft. "Get off me, you stupid #%&@!!"

Joey began to shimmy up Tea (ignore how wrong that sounds), much to her displeasure, while she tried to knock him off. Joey eventually made it above Tea, and he started to continue shimming upward (using the ladder this time), and Tea continued behind him unhappily. Unfortunately, Joey's foot slipped off one of the rings of the ladder, and slammed into Tea's face.

[You may remember Tea's facing having a few other things slam into it, and you may also remember that in one of those cases, Tea pulled down the pants of he who slammed something into her face. In those cases, however, Tea was not climbing up a ladder on the side of an elevator shaft behind a guy who had just "shimmied" over her, so let's not compare these cases, shall we?]

Tea flew backward off of the ladder and landed smack-dab on top of Yami, who was still climbing the elevator cable with his teeth [What? That's impossible? You know, you're never going to go anywhere with that kind of negative attitude, you pessimist!]. Yami umph-ed, but held onto his place with his teeth tightly as they scrambled around the cables. Unfortunately, [why do I keep saying "unfortunately"? It's not unfortunate for us! "Unfortunately" usually signals something interesting happening! How about a compromise…I'll say "hippopotamus," okay? Okay good.]— make that hippopotamus, Tea's shoe was immediately caught in the cable and she was hung upside down by her foot. 

"Aiiiiieeeeegggghhhh!" Tea shrieked, trying to fold her skirt back up as she dangled upside-down by her foot. Joey nearly fell off the ladder laughing and Yami tried to kick Tea away from HIS elevator cable while keeping his teeth firmly clamped on the cable itself.

Suddenly, Yami's jerking foot collided with something other than Tea, and the cable immediately yanked him and Tea upward. "AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Tea and Yami screamed (well, Yami sounded more like "UUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH!" because of the cable in his mouth) as they shot upward into the dark blackness, Yami hanging on by his teeth and Tea by her caught foot. Everyone else on the ladder nearly fell off of laughing, except for Tristan, who DID fall off, but managed not to fall by grabbing onto his good pal Joey, who promptly tried to kick him off.

…And the elevator didn't move. [Because they left it behind…aww…But the cable moved!]

Author's Other Note: Yeah, this chapter wasn't very good, I'm sorry. I had a lot to do this weekend, but I made sure to write a chapter anyway. Feel special. Also, please don't say "this chapter wasn't as good as the others," because I know. I KNOW, OKAY?! I'm not sure if there's still going to be one more chapter left, or if there will be two, we'll have to see. 


	14. Peace, Love, and Elevators

Author's Note: Hello, friends. Well, it's that time again. Time for another chapter. You know what? Remember what I said about hating it when people knock on the door when I'm in the shower? My mom knocked on the door while I was in the shower just last night. I got really mad. She yelled at me about four times to get out because we were going out to eat, and after I got out and ready, we ended up waiting ten minutes before we left anyway. *Sigh* You know what? I can say "alas" in Lain, and also "today the boy falls into the fishpond," but I can't say "goodbye" or "how are you?" Glad they're teaching us the important stuff…

Chapter Fourteen: Peace, Love, and Elevators

The elevator cable shot upward like a giant rubber band, dragging Yami by his teeth and Tea by her foot along with it, until it WHAM!-ed four seconds later into the ceiling of the elevator shaft. Everyone clinging onto the ladder winced. Then they laughed. 

"Heh, heh," laughed Ryou softly. He was typically one of the more caring people in the elevator, but even optimists go crazy eventually.

"Ha ha ha," giggled Tristan quietly, while Joey snorted in laughter to himself. Kaiba was trying to hide his own laughter, and Yugi didn't know whether to laugh or to cr— well, giggle, I guess. 

"Ha ha ha ha," Yugi laughed evilly (but quietly).

Mai made this sort of hissy-growl sound, like she had swallowed an angry cat. I guess we can count that as a laugh.

"Heh, heh heh heh," chuckled Bakura, not bothering to be quiet about it. In fact, he wanted to hear Yami to hear him laugh. "YA HEAR THAT, PHARAOH? I'M LAUGHING AT YOU! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

It's not like they really cared about their friends, anyway, but I'm sure you already knew that.

Meanwhile, Tea and Yami were at the very top of the elevator shaft, where they had been before the elevator had crashed, but at that time they had still been inside the elevator. Yami, who had just heard Bakura laughing at him, was shouting furiously at the top of his lungs. "UH HURF AF ANF IMA GOFNA KIFA UF! UF HEF AF?!" [Ooh, real threatening. I'm sure Bakura's just, shaking in his boots. If he wore boots, that is. Does anyone remember what Bakura's shoes look like? I guess it doesn't really matter. But it DOES matter! I MUST know! Hmmm…I'm thinking he just wears sneakers, or something plain like that…I know he doesn't wear boots…I had this pair of black boots once, and they were cool, but they hurt after walking around in them for a long— uh, back to the story.]

Tea was enjoying the rush of blood to her head as she continued to try and flip her skirt back up. She was also trying to get a firmer hold on the cable, meaning to actually grab onto it instead of having it grab her foot, in case her foot got lose, in which case she would fall through the entire elevator shaft before crashing to her death below.

[Hey guys, come on. I can hear you chanting "Fall! Fall!" even as I write this! Jeez!]

As Tea was attempting to do these things, Yami, who was still firmly clenched onto the greasy cable with his teeth, was kicking her in a steady rhythm. He had most certainly NOT forgotten that this was HIS elevator cable, and she had NO right to be attached to it. Tea was doing her best to ignore the kicking as she tried to flip up her skirt by trying to get as far away from the deranged spirit as she could and by kicking him back, but it didn't stop. "Stop it, Yami," she growled for about the ten thousandth time. "I said, stop it!" [Twenty bucks says Yami— oh yeah, no gambling. Ah well.]

Back below, Mai and Kaiba, who were in the lead, had reached what seemed to be a set of doors. [When elevators open, they open their doors and the doors of the elevator opening space. Just a little trivia for you there.] Kaiba was frantically trying to find some way to open the doors, but, as we all know from a *certain* past experience, Kaiba was not good at all at opening elevator doors. Mai was also trying to get them open, but I really don't think gnawing at the corner of the door was really effective anyway.

Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Tristan, and Joey finally reached the set of elevator doors, and they eagerly took up the challenge to open the doors while hanging onto the ladder. Unfor— I mean, hippopotamus, they simply could not open the doors! [What a surprise.] In fact, after pounding and pulling and pushing on the doors madly for about five minutes, they heard a little click from outside the doors, a click that sounded like a key turning in a lock. And I don't mean unlocking.

"Hey! Hey! Open up! Open up in there!" shouted Ryou, pounding on the doors with his fist. 

"Oh, that's brilliant. Let's just ASK them to open the door!" retorted Bakura sarcastically.

"Why do you always have to put me down?" demanded Ryou. "I wasn't doing anything to you!"

"It's always about you, isn't it?! Why is it always about you?" spat back Bakura.

"Me?! It's always about YOU! Like the way you— "

"Not listening! Not listening, la la la la— "

"— TUNE ME OUT, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY!"

"LA LA LA, LA LA LA!"

While Bakura and Ryou were…well, see above, Tristan had gotten really close to the door. Due to strange looks from the non-arguing people at the elevator doors, he explained cheerfully, "I'm gonna do Morris Code! See, there's this system of dots and dashes, and you can send messages back and forth, and— "

"His hair is fungus," Joey explained quickly, and the light dawned on everyone trying to listen to Tristan. Tristan, who was confused, decided to just start Morris-coding. He patted the door slowly, then quickly, as everyone watched and Ryou and Bakura argued. Then all was silent as everyone listened at the door.

Bum. Bum bum, bum bum. Bum.

"Did everybody hear that?!" squealed Tristan excitedly. "They answered! Someone's there! We're gonna be saved!!"

"So, uh, what did they say?" asked Yugi skeptically. 

"Hold on, I'm translating it in my head," Tristan said, closing his eyes and straining his brain. [Which isn't really hard to do, since we're talking about Tristan's brain. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's true, Tristan DOES have a brain! *Gasps from crowd* I know it's hard to believe, but— oh wait, Tristan has something to say again.] "It says…it says…'are you there?'"

"You sure it didn't say 'you need help'?" asked Bakura. Everyone mumbled in agreement, except for Tristan (now we return to the including-Tristan-as-everyone deal. Jeez.), who was too excited about his discovery to listen. 

"Oh my gosh, they're gonna come save us! They know we're here! We're saved!" Tristan shrieked, hugging Joey frantically. 

"GET OFFA ME!" shouted Joey, shoving Tristan's head into the door. Ah, friends.

Meanwhile, at the top of the elevator shaft, Yami was still kicking Tea. He couldn't seem to get it through his head that she couldn't move, and that even if she could move, she would fall to her death below…or maybe he DID understand it! 

By now, Tea had stopped yelling at Yami to stop kicking her. Her face was red with all the blood rushing to it, and she was very tired. The kicking didn't hurt, it only bothered her, so she decided to let it go while she rested. 

Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick. Kick.

KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KICK. KI— 

"STOP KICKING ME!" screamed Tea insanely. "STOP KICKING ME! STOP IT! STOP IT!!" She lunged for Yami's foot and pulled it as hard as she could, pounding it furiously with her fists. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THIS IS INSANE!"

"UHHHHH!" Yami shouted as Tea pounded his foot, and he tried to kick her with his other one. Unf— sorry about that, hippopotamus, she snatched his other foot and began to pound his face with it. 

"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!" she screamed. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! THIS IS INSANE! PEOPLE DO NOT GET TRAPPED IN ELEVATORS WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND BREAK CELL PHONES AND GET STUCK IN ESCAPE HATCHES AND HAVE FUNGUS FOR HAIR AND BELIEVE DUEL MONSTERS IS A RELIGION AND MAKE RADIOS THAT WON'T STOP PLAYING IN OTHER LANGUAGES AND GET HUNG UP BY THEIR FOOT BY AN ELEVATOR CABLE!! THIS IS COMPLETELY INSANE! THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN!! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

[Well. Humph. What a loser. I never liked her anyway.]

Back at the door (which was still closed, in case you were wondering), everyone was leaning against the ladder, resting. They had been trying to open it for nearly an hour, with no luck, and everyone was re-exhausted. It was hard to believe that it was the same day that they had first gotten into the elevator. Everyone glanced upward casually as they heard a soft noise coming from the top of the elevator shaft.

"Sounds like Yami and Tea are having fun," Ryou remarked casually, flipping a page of his book. "Hey, did you guys know that when you're jumping from a motorcycle to a car, you should stand crouched with both of your feet on either the running board or the seat of the motorcycle? Interesting stuff, this. Probably not useful, though."

"Wait a second," said Joey accusingly, turning towards Ryou. "You didn't have a book!"

"Yes, I did," Ryou replied. "It was in my pants."

Ignoring the wrong-ness of that statement, Yugi snatched the book away from Ryou and read the title. His mouth slowly lowered.

"What is it, Yug?" asked Joey, leaning forward to try and read the title. "'The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: How to Escape from Quicksand, Wrestle an Alligator, and…Get Out of an Elevator.'"

"Give it to me!" shouted Kaiba as he and Bakura lunged for the book at once. They scuffled a second before Bakura raised his hand and shouted "Ickle pah hanananess!" 

Fearing it was another spell, Kaiba shrieked and let go of the book and darted behind Yugi. Laughing like a maniac, Bakura was barely able hang onto the ladder. Kaiba again dived for the book, but Yugi got it first. "It's mine!" he growled, delivering a swift kick to Kaiba's stomach. Yugi opened the book, but was suddenly attacked by Mai, who kicked him in the face before snatching the book away. Joey, who was feeling rather brave (coughSTUPIDcough), decided to take it away from Mai, who actually let him grab onto half of it before swinging Joey off the ladder.

"AAAAIIIIIIEEEEGGHHH!" shrieked Joey, clinging onto Kaiba's leg for dear life. 

"GET OFF ME, YOU (*@#&$!" screamed Kaiba, slamming his leg against the wall of the elevator shaft. His mouth dropped open in horror, as did everyone else's: in what seemed like slow motion, the book that held the key to their freedom fell through the air.

"NOOOOOOOO!" shouted everyone, lunging for the book at once. Hippopotamus (I did it right!), the book was too far gone, and they barely made it back to the ladder. 

"Go get it, you mutt!" ordered Kaiba, shoving Joey.

"You get it!"

"I'LL RIP YOU APART!"

"KISS MY &$#%@!"

SERVICE BROADCAST INTERRUPTION: THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AMERICAN ELEVATOR SOCIETY:

There have been some concerns about the validity of the elevator's role in this story. Well. Jeez. This announcement is to assure the general public that no elevators, real or imaginary, were harmed in the writing or publication of this story. This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. If you have any information on this subject, be sure to contact your local authorities. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Only you can prevent forest fires. I think that pretty much sums it up.

THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE AMERICAN ELEVATOR SOCIETY.

As Joey and Kaiba were fighting, everyone else had resumed trying to get the doors open by themselves. HUGE DISAPPOINTMENTS were old hat by then, and they wanted to get out. [No, really?]

Bakura was trying to separate the doors from the center, where they met, when Ryou's mouth suddenly dropped in the most horror he could express. Bakura caught him staring, grunted, "What?", and slowly felt his own eyes grow large.

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed. 

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed Ryou, frantically trying to get away from Bakura, who was now shaking and hitting his head furiously. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Tristan when he saw the spider they were screaming about. [Remember the first chapter? Tristan and spiders?] Tristan stumbled down the ladder, screaming continuously. 

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" screamed Mai, frantically trying to get away from the little arachnid, which was still on Bakura's head. Evidently, the spider had survived the crash, and had hitched a ride up the ladder on Bakura.

"You babies," Yugi scoffed, going down a rung to gently scoop the little spider off of Bakura's head. "It's just a little— AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" he screamed suddenly, causing another chain reaction of screams in the elevator. "IT BIT ME!" he shrieked uncontrollably, having dropped the spider. "IT BIT ME IT'S POISONOUS I'M GONNA DIE I'M GONNA DIE!"

"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" screamed Tristan.

"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" sobbed Ryou.

"YUGI'S GONNA DIE!" screamed Kaiba, looking rather pleased.

Back on top of the elevator shaft, Tea was still on a rampage. ("AND THIS IS FOR ALWAYS TELLING US TO BELIEVE IN OUR FRIENDS!" WHAM!) She was doing a pretty good job of beating Yami up, but suddenly accidentally yanked the cable a little too hard.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" she and Yami screamed (I think we have sufficiently established that Yami made a different kind of noise, but you get the picture) as the cable shot downward. She was still upside down and Yami was still attached by his teeth. Fortunately (it's not unfortunately, so I can't use hippopotamus— sorry, guys) for them, the cable slowed rapidly, and, extremely fortunately for them, stopped nearly right in front of the door where the rest of their "friends" were screaming about the spider.

Hippopotamus for those already at the door, they had no idea that it was only Tea and Yami, and were convinced that a fleet of giant death-spiders had come to destroy them at last. [It's all about the I.Q. drop, my friends. You gotta remember that.]

Everyone attacked the door at once, and finally, maybe because someone was finally smiling down on them, maybe because their luck had finally changed, maybe because Mokuba finally decided he had punished his brother enough and unlocked the door, the doors slid apart…and everyone was blinded by that white light that you always see when people finally open a door they've been trying to open, I thinki you know what I mean.

…And the elevator didn't move. But is it down for the count? Ha, ha.

Author's Other Note: I'm really sorry, you people. I feel like that Joe Millionaire show, where they made it look like he was going to tell who he picked on that one show and they ended up making you wait another week. I had a feeling they weren't going to show it because season finales are usually two hours or something, but I was still disappointed. Anyway, this story is NOT OVER. There will be an epilogue, which I will post next week. I just couldn't cram it all into this chapter.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE FINALE OF "THAT YU-GI-OH ELEVATOR STORY"!


	15. Hasta La Vista, Elevator

Author's Note: I want to thank everyone who took the time to review and send me e-mails telling me how much they enjoy this story. I love you guys— if it weren't for you, this story wouldn't be here at all. There would be no elevator, no insanity (er, maybe _less_ insanity) in Yu-Gi-Oh. You guys are my inspiration, that which makes me have something that I have to do on Saturday (even if I may groan about it). Also, I wanted to let all of you know how lucky you are. I have never, ever been this faithful to a story: a new, at least 2000-word chapter nearly every week story that actually has an ending! Feel special.

Epilogue: Hasta La Vista, Elevator

Bright light blinded everyone's eyes as the doors slid open, finally freeing them from the elevator shaft in which they had been trapped for over eight hours. Mai, Tea, Joey, Yami, Kaiba, Tristan, Ryou, Yugi, and Bakura attempted to move forward at exactly the same moment, ending up all getting stuck between the elevator doors. The light having lessened, they would have been able to see Mokuba, Yugi's grandpa, and Serenity, along with the staff of KaibaCorp, the cast of "X-Men: Evolution," (why not?) a news crew, and a rescue team standing by, trying to move forward to help them out. Hippopotamus (I'm in da house!), they did not see these wonderful and helpful people, as they were still insane from certain events occurring in said elevator.

Finally pushing out first, Mai broke through and shot through the lobby. With her out, there was enough room for everyone else to lunge forward right into the arms of their loved ones, whom they immediately hugged and kissed and assured that they were fine, then went home happy and sane again. The end.

[No, wait! That's not the end! Don't go! But of course, you already knew that. That ending simply wouldn't do! And why, you ask? Isn't it obvious? Who would hug someone who had been trapped in an elevator for eight hours? I mean, gross. That's just not right. Can you say "body odor"? Jeez. Even without that smell, you never know if they have rabies or are missing teeth or have a broken nose…]

Everyone shoved through the crowd in the lobby, knocking Serenity off her feet and sending some employees flying. "OUTTA MY WAY!" screamed Tea, socking Grandpa in the stomach as she barreled past. Yugi stomped on Grandpa's face as he followed closely behind, accidentally, of course— or maybe on purpose— after all, he HAD told Yami about Yugi's nose job…

Yami was close behind, although he had just about reached the exact center of the lobby when Bakura made a flying leap at his feet, the way you see football players leap at each other in slow motion. Yami headed toward the floor, shouting also in slow motion as he bit the dust. Bakura got up, but was then tripped by Yami grabbing at his ankles. Bakura hit Yami, and they rolled over, obviously trying to kill each other.

Ryou was racing with Joey toward the exit doors. Giraffe— no wait, hippopotamus, one of the doors said "LOCKED" in large and obvious letters, so there was only one door through which they both could go through, meaning that one would have to go before the other, something simply not acceptable. Of course, the only thing registering in both of their minds was obviously simple. "MOVE OVER, @&*#$!" screamed Joey, suddenly pushing Ryou to the side just before he slammed face first into the "LOCKED" door. Using his highly…um…let's see…um…using his brain, he had determined that the "LOCKED" sign was simply a clever trap by the death spiders coming from the elevator, and that the "LOCKED" door was really the only door that could free him. 

[It's the I.Q. drop, people. You have to remember that. Oh my gosh, I just thought of something…is YOUR I.Q. dropping from reading this? You think so? Then what about MINE? I'm the one writing this! Aw, well, I'm sure it's not TOO serious. I mean, that's just ridiculous…

AAAAAGGGGHHHHH THE DEATH SPIDERS AAAGGGGHHHH!!]

"Big brother!" exclaimed Mokuba, running up to hug Kaiba in (fake) excitement. Kaiba didn't even look down, just casually kicked Mokuba backward into the elevator shaft.

Tristan, being the naturally slow and rather…erm…yeah…person that we know and hate (I mean, uh, love), was the last one out of the elevator. He had actually been pushed down a few rungs on the ladder during the shove to get out, so he was just now climbing out…his arms were finally grasping the sides of the now-open (gasp!) doors…

…When Mokuba flew backwards and slammed into him, knocking them both down into the elevator shaft.

[Aw, don't you just hate to see that happen to a rookie…]

Meanwhile, everyone else even of little to somewhat importance had managed to make it outside. The sky was clear and the moon full, so the street outside was bright and peaceful. The now-free captives jumped and shouted, glorying in the motion of their limbs. Music played [you know, the kind of music that is ALWAYS played at the happy ending of EVERY movie— I mean, seriously, is there like a "Happy Movie Soundtrack" that everyone is passing around? It's the same EVERY TIME. Sure, maybe a few notes' difference, but who notices those little things, anyway?], fountains shot water into the sky, the rich gave to the poor, and world peace was achieved— yayfun, if you know what I mean, but it's not like our heroes really cared, anyway. [I mean, would you? After being trapped in an elevator for that long with the likes of _them_? You'd be all "GET ME THE &^#$! OUT OF HERE!"]

Ruining this happy scene, a car suddenly zoomed through the road, disrupting the little block party. With a high-pitched yowl, Mai leaped onto the windshield, scaring the pants off the driver, who went in his pants— no, underwear, I guess, since his pants were scared off— and crashed into a trash can before Mai jumped off and ran off into the night, laughing wildly. And…yeah.

Well, finally, as you know, because all good things really do have to come to an end (but what about the bad things? Do they ever end? What about the semi-good or okay things? Do they end? Huh? Huh? Kinda makes you think…), the rescue team, relatives of the survivors, and Tristan and Mokuba also moved outside to join the survivors themselves. The survivors actually greeted them this time, and some pleasant conversations actually ensued. 

[No, for real this time. Can you believe it?]

Kaiba and Yami were comparing their Maibites and discussing their insurance policies while Tea and Serenity teased Tristan (not about the fungus, in case you were wondering) and Yugi, Ryou, and Joey talked to Grandpa and some of the employees and the news crew. Bakura stood off to the side, not really saying anything, just watching. Watching. Staring at someone in particular…

Finally, as everyone was exhausted from their long, painful experience, it was time to say goodbye. Kaiba and Mokuba bid farewell to all.

"Hey, you guys want to take my limo back home?" offered Kaiba generously. 

"Naw, we'll take the subway. It'll drop us off right at the game shop," replied Yami.

Having thus decided on their route home, Yami, Yugi, Grandpa, Tea, Tristan, Joey, Serenity, Ryou, and Bakura trudged off in the direction of the subway station. 

Ryou was kind of leading Bakura, who continued to stare back in the direction of KaibaCorp. Finally, Bakura sighed and faced forward.

Suddenly, back in the entrance of KaibaCorp, Seto Kaiba's hair burst into flames. Kaiba jumped around screaming before running inside and dousing his burning head in the fountain.

Bakura smiled (evilly, of course) and actually let Ryou hug him for about half a second. I guess some things never change.

The whole crew wearily trudged down the subway steps and boarded the subway car. They all quickly plopped down in chairs, groaning and stretching.

"Man, am I ever glad that's over," sighed Joey. Everyone nodded and moaned in agreement, rubbing their aching muscles.

"Hey, what're you guys complaining about?" demanded a relatively familiar voice from across the car. Looking up, Yugi spied Rex Raptor and his comrade Weevil staring at them arrogantly. "You guys look like crap."

"So would you, if you spent all day stuck in some stupid box," retorted Tea, gingerly touching her now-bandaged broken nose.

"We were trapped in the elevator at KaibaCorp all day," explained Yami, leaning his head on Yugi's shoulder.

"Yeah right," spat Weevil, glaring at him. "That's ridiculous. Stuff like that doesn't really happen!"

Just as all the survivors were about to reply, Yugi felt the subway car stop. Jumping to his feet, he ran to the door with everyone else on his heels. Unf— hippopotamus, as he looked through the window in the car's door, he didn't see the familiar inside of the subway station right next to his Grandpa's game shop. 

Instead, he saw cement wall. But the car wasn't moving.

Turning around very, very slowly, Yugi met the eyes of Yami, then each of his fellow survivors. 

"What's happening?" questioned Rex loudly. "Why aren't the doors opening?" He got up and rattled one to no avail.

Suddenly, a loud, computerized voice came on over the car's intercom. "Attention all passengers. Domino Subway is experiencing a temporary malfunction. Please remain calm. Do not panic. Remain in your seats. You should be moving again in……forty-eight hours."

Yami, Yugi, Joey, everyone, all together now! 

"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

…And the subway didn't move!

Author's Final Note: Like it? I don't know…it sounded better before in my head. Anyway, a few people have mentioned something about a sequel. I don't know…it'll be nice to not have to write anything on Saturday. What would I write about, anyway? Something besides what happens when they're in the subway. My other comedy kinda fell through, since I can't use keyboard dialogue, which is the only way it would work. If I get some good random ideas, I might just do one…

A big thanks again to you reviewers. Don't ever go as "just another reviewer" or something like that that puts yourself down. You guys ROCK. Every single review is important and influences what I write. Unless I don't like you or something, which doesn't matter, cuz I love all of you guys anyway.


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